It was too much.
“Stop!” Harriet cried out, flinging her hands so emphatically that she stumbled and nearly fell.
Fiona reached towards her but Harriet pushed her away, shaking her head. No, every part of her was shaking. But she did not care. “Just stop it, please. All of you. I do not want you to do anything to him. I do not want to hurt him or make him pay or any of it.”
Her friends froze, each exchanging a look with the other. “We are only trying to help.”
Harriet’s heart rammed against her chest, tumbling and turning. She massaged it. “I know. But… I do not want you to hurt him. I do not want anything bad to happen to him, I do not want him to suffer.”
“What do you want?”
I want him.
“I love him. I love him and despite everything, my foolish heart refuses to stop loving him. I asked to be his wife, to really be his wife and…”
He does not want that.
“He does not love me. Not the way I love him. That is why I left. It was torture to be near him, knowing that he would never feel as I feel. Knowing that I had deluded myself into thinking he could, that he would, return my feelings. I was a fool, and now you now my shame.”
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Hettie.” Fiona wrapped her arms around Harriet. “You are so deeply, profoundly loveable.”
“We all thought there was something there,” Louisa added as she joined their huddle, adding her arms to Fiona’s embrace. “The way you two danced together. The way he looked at you.”
“There is no shame in believing that you are worthy of the love of a man like the Duke of Irondale. There is never any shame in allowing yourself to fall in love.” Catherine had joined their group hug.
“And men are often idiots when it comes to such things. They stand in their own way and it takes someone else to knock some sense into them,” Louisa added.
“I would be happy to.” Fiona grinned at Harriet.
She could not help but smile back, weak and watery though it was. “I do not think it would help. You cannot force someone into love. He does not feel the way I do, and I will have to learn to live with it.”
She wished she did not feel so warm. That her head and heart did not feel as though they were about to burst. The cool breeze made Harriet shiver.
“You do not have to do anything, Hettie. It is your life.” Catherine’s voice was gentle.
“Phoebe needs me, and I will not have her pay the price for my own foolishness. But I do not know how to be there for her and be in the same place as him.” Harriet managed to push the words through the fog of her mind.
“Speaking of being in the same place, as much as I love you all, it is far too hot for this sort of thing.” Fiona peeled away from the group and everyone else followed.
The heat did not leave Harriet, and without her friends’ arms around her, her body felt far too heavy for her feet. The others were fanning themselves nearby.
Harriet reached up to wipe the sweat from her brow. Her fingers were thick and clumsy as she fumbled with her own fan. Louisa was there in an instant, helping her.
“I think we had best get inside.” Louisa held an arm out to her.
Harriet nodded, her tongue unable to wrap itself around words. She took a step and the world shifted beneath her feet. She stumbled, Louisa caught her.
Then Catherine was beside her too. “Hettie? What is wrong?”
“Hot.” Harriet was swaying now, half clawing at the fabric of her dress.
“Why is her skin so cold?” Louisa’s voice was high and panicked.
“Hettie? Hettie!” Why was Catherine shouting? And why did she sound so far away?
The edges of her vision were lined with black smudges. Harriet tried to bat the little floating specs away, but she could not make her arms move.
She took a step, or she tried to, but her legs had turned to jelly. She could feel Louisa and Catherine trying to support her.
