“It is simply me noticing that you cannot help but turn to the East.” “I do not know what happened, and I will not force you to tell me, but I think it means something that of all the places you could have gone after you left your parents, you chose to come here. The estate that is closest to Irondale Hall.”
“You mean the estate of one of my oldest and dearest friends? I came here because I wanted to see you.”
“I think that is only a part of why you came here.” Catherine replied. “I think the other is that you miss what lies to the East. I think you miss them.”
“I miss Phoebe.” Harriet corrected Catherine, but even as she said the words, she knew it was not true.
“You really expect us to believe that?” Fiona had stopped bickering with Louisa and moved to stand beside them. “What about your husband?”
“What about him?” Harriet stiffened.
Louisa gave her a frank look. “You miss him. Come on Hettie, it is practically painted across your face. You are a stone’s throw from home, why not just return?”
“I cannot.” Harriet stepped backwards, and wrapped her arms around herself, tightening her grip as she felt the parts of herself threaten to tear and break.
“Why not?” Catherine asked, her face full of concern. “Did something happen?”
“I… I do not want to talk about it.” Harriet dug her fingers into her upper arms. “Please, let us just have a nice day.”
“Hettie, we are your friends.” Louisa moved towards her, her hands outstretched but Harriet darted out of her grip. “We want to help.”
“You cannot help. Not with this.” Harriet shook her head, she could feel the lump forming again in her throat, pressing against the raw flesh beneath it.I do not want to keep crying. Please, I just want this to stop.
“We can at least listen,” Catherine said, scanning Harriet as though she were truly seeing her for the first time. “And you know that we would do anything for you, Hettie. We will always be in your corner.”
I know.The words pressed up against the tightness in Harriet’s throat. She knew she needed to say something. She should say something and then they would stop. But she could not.
The sun beat down on them. Beads of sweat trickled across Harriet’s skin. Despite the open air around her, everything felt too close, far too close.
She began to fan herself.
“We love you, without condition.” Louisa’s voice was so gentle that it hurt, breaking through the wall Harriet was trying to slam in place as easily as if it were butter and her kindness a knife.
“I love you too.” Harriet’s voice caught.And your love means the world, but… oh ungrateful thing that I am, I want more. I want…
She could not finish the thought. Pressure built within her, she stumbled backwards.
“What did he do? Did he hurt you?” Fiona’s eyes darkened. “I will kill him if he laid a finger on you.”
Harriet was shaking her head. Her breaths came hard and fast. Why was it so hard to fill her lungs? Her corset felt tight, too tight, but she could not fix it.
“Was he unkind?” Louisa pressed.
“If he hurt you I-” Fiona growled at the same time as Louisa said “- we will soon sort him out.”
“He will not get away with this.” Catherine’s fists were clenched.
“I can ask my brothers-” Fiona was saying.
At the same time Catherine added. “Alaric would be more than happy to-”
“- he may be a duke-”
“-powerful friends-”
“-make him pay.”
They were all speaking at once, voices mingling. Harriet was lost within the uproar, just as she always was. The world around her was spinning, the ground threatening to throw her back down the hill. Her friends were full of righteous anger.
