Yes. Yes, we did.
“I—” Despite everything, despite all the thoughts that have started to take a more solid shape in my mind, I can’t bring myself to answer the question out loud. I know it’s unfair and stupid, but I freeze up.
Those bright blue eyes of his pierce me like a knife through flesh and I wonder if the knife may actually hurt less than the tension in his expression, particularly because I seem to have a bad habit of repeatedly being the cause of it. Dacen sighs and rolls away from me, turning to face the wall and putting his back to me. He curls up into a ball and doesn’t move again. Eventually, his breathing slows and evens out, and when I peek over he’s fast asleep. Asleep but not relaxed. His brow is pulled tight and his hands are clenched into fists. I can’t leave him like that, so I rub his back gently until his hands loosen up and his face relaxes. I brush a strand of hair out of the way and kiss his forehead, holding it longer than I have any right to. Before I leave the room I pull his blanket over him and turn off the lamp, then quietly shut the door behind me. Once I’m downstairs I shove my feet into my shoes and slip outside.
I’m acting like a coward, which pisses me off because I’m no fucking coward. I shake my head and pull away, the rest of my jumbled thoughts lost to the night.
37
Ryne
“Yeah, you too, Jonah. Sorry, it took so long for me to get back to you.” I hold my phone to my ear with one hand and dig around the fridge with the other, moving shit around until I find a can of soda, then jog back upstairs to my room.
“No sweat. I know life can be hectic.”
Yeah, and I’m starting to question whether or not soccer is actually what I want to do with my life. That thought is terrifying. Jonah and I have been talking for a bit and I’ve been trying to avoid an invitation to go visit. At least specifically for soccer.
“There’s something else, Ryne, before we hang up.” His voice dips lower and quieter and I have to hold the phone closer to my ear and turn up the volume.
“What?”
He sighs into the phone. “Paige called asking about you.”
Blood pools in the pit of my stomach, and anger, betrayal, and disappointment rage alive inside. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I wish I were, Ryne.”
I plop down at my desk and prop my elbow on it, then rest my forehead in my hand. “She’s actually texted me a few times. I keep ignoring her but I can’t bring myself to block her number. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me that I don’t block her ass?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Ryne. Maybe deep down you still hold out hope she’ll get her shit together, I don’t know. What I do know is she better stay the hell away.”
I decide to voice the thought that’s been twisting into my gut like a knife for the past few weeks. “I think she’s trying to get a hold of me because I turn eighteen soon…” I trail off and let him fill in the rest himself.
He swears under his breath when he puts two and two together. “That selfish, stupid, piece of shit. I hope she calls me again. I will chew her a new asshole. She’s delusional. Have you told Nathan about the text messages?”
I shake my head but realize he can’t see and answer out loud. “No, I thought she’d give up when she got no response, but she’s relentless.”
“You need to tell Nathan and Lily. If anything, they can be on alert, too.”
“I will. When they get home from church.”
* * *
Dacen comes over this afternoon.I shouldn’t have invited him because all I feel like doing right now is raging and throwing shit against the walls.
“Damn, Ryne. What’s with the attitude today? Ever since I got here you’ve been walking around with a giant scowl on your face. That’s not very Southern of you,” he teases, but there’s not much humor behind his words. He can tell something’s up, and there’s also tension between the two of us from last night. All I do is grunt in reply. “Your social skills leave much to be desired sometimes, Sutton. But you know, they’re called socialskillsfor a reason, meaning you can improve them if you try harder.”
This earns him a glare. “That would require giving a fuck.”
“Oh, I see. You’re not socially inept. You’re just a giant asshole, is that it?”
“I’ve never claimed to be any sort of nice guy, D. I am what I am. I am who I am. You can either accept that and come sit down on my face, or walk your sexy ass out of here right now.” He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. I really don’t want to argue with Dacen. I take a deep breath and crack my neck from side to side. He sits there on the edge of my bed with his arms still crossed and a deep frown marring his features, staring down at the floor. It tugs at something in me. With two fingers I tilt his chin up. “I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole again and that’s not my intention. I guess it’s been my default attitude for so long it slips out unannounced a bit too frequently still.” I keep my tone light and smile, all while silently shooting a prayer up to the heavens in case there’s anyone up there listening to my sorry ass.Please let me not be a rude dick and a cold prick, especially not both at the same time. Thanks and amen and all that shit.
Dacen nudges me in the side with his elbow. “Not too often. Only on days ending inY.”
“Touché.” I lean over and press my lips to his. The garage door rumbles and I straighten up. Nathan and Lily are finally home, and though Dacen is here I don’t want to wait a minute longer to talk to them about Paige. “Hey, I need to go talk to my aunt and uncle for a few minutes. Are you okay waiting up here?”
He nods and stretches out on my bed, pulling his phone out and waving it around. “I’m good. Go ahead.”
