“I accept your plan.” He sat up in his bed. “I shall make the arrangements.”
Clara had cried herself to sleep, and she awoke with red, puffy eyes. She did not let that stop her from dressing and joining in the day’s events. Being around her friends and family was exactly what she needed.
She made the mistake of looking out the front window as she descended the main staircase. Half a dozen maids were outside, dressed in warm coats, collecting all of the candles from the path.It’s over, she told herself,it’s over. But she wasn’t sure if the statement was relieving or agonizing. Her eyes remained down as she passed the ballroom. She made a conscious effort to avoid glancing at Joan and Leopold, but it did not help. Everything reminded her of Luke. She quickened her step, hoping to reach the drawing room a bit sooner.I need to be around my friends. Just a few more steps and I will be safe.
But a splash of color stopped her in her tracks. A large trail of dying Christmas greenery covered the polished floor.They didn’t burn all the decorations last night. This year is destined for bad luck.
She had not needed the tradition to tell her so. Only a week into the new year, and Clara had developed a sense of sadness she doubted would ever go away. It left her feeling nauseous, tired and guilty.I have lost Maxwell Manor,she lamented. The halls she had imagined into existence, the drawing room she had filled with friends and neighbors. Joan and Leopold. All of it was going away. Yet, it seemed trivial with the loss of Luke. She had lost the person who knew her better than anyone else. The person she was most comfortable with. Who else would listen to her lengthy ramblings? Who else would make her laugh? And what about Luke? Who would care for him? Who would help him run his household and be there to hear his troubles? Who would plan his parties and watch over his tenants?
Well, probably his wife,her brain concluded, but the idea was not one she wanted to grasp. There would be a new lady of Maxwell Manor, a new woman for Luke to escort aroundTown,and Clara was surprised with the jealousy that swelled inside her just from the thought.You said no,she reminded herself,you do not get a say in this. What Luke does can no longer concern you.But she could notremember a time when Lord Maxwell was not in her life. Having him so readily ripped from her created a large gaping hole.
“Clara?” John’s voice came from the top of the stairs. “What are you doing?”
She stood frozen in the middle of the foyer, looking down at the dried leaves. “Nothing.” She shook her head. “I am just heading to the drawing room.”
“Well, have you seen Luke? He was supposed to meet me at the stables, but he did not show up.”
“No.” Clara’s voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Well if you do, let him know I am looking for him.” He paused. “Oh, and try to convince him to go with us to London. He is ignoring me, but I know he will do anything if you ask him to.”
And though Clara put a hand to her mouth, a sob escaped through her fingers.
John rushed down the stairs. “Are you crying?” he asked with concern. “Did I do something wrong?” She shook her head, but more tears continued to spill out. John gingerly placed an arm around her hunched shoulders. “Are you hurt?”
And while physically, she was unharmed,hurtseemed the correct description.
“What happened?” John slowly led her to the staircase and helped her sit on the bottom stair.
“Luke-” she croaked, but just saying his name made her cry harder.
“Luke hurt you?!” His voice dripped with confusion.
“No.” Clara took a big breath. “No, he … proposed to me.” And instantly the pit in her stomach returned.
It took a few seconds for John to process her words. “You are marrying Luke?”
Clara did not miss the excitement in his voice, and something about it caused the pit to jump in her throat. “No,” she whispered, and then, watching the look of disappointment cross his face, Clara’s stomach wrenched.
I am ruining everything!She had hurt Luke and disappointed John. She had not spoken with her parents yet, but she doubted either of them would be thrilled to hear the news. Why, even the servants were mourning in their quarters. All of Maxwell Manor had assisted their master in his romantic proposal, and now, given their help had not achieved the desired outcome, everyone felt as if they had failed.But I am the failure, Clara cried.I am the one who has broken our family.
She risked another glance at her brother. His face was full of concern and love, but it did not fully hide the disappointment she could see in his dark eyes. “I am going to be sick,” she groaned, putting a hand to her upset stomach. She ran back up the stairs to her room.
“So,” John hesitantly entered Luke's study, “is there anything you wish to tell me?” He wore his riding clothes.
Lud, I forgot to meet John at the stables.Luke set down his quill. “Sorry, I forgot we were going for a ride.”
John shook his head. “That doesn’t matter.” He crossed the wooden floors and took a seat on the leather sofa. “No,I am wondering why you did not tell me you were in love with my little sister.” His voice wasn’t angry or hurt, it sounded sympathetic. Yes, it was pity in John’s tone, and Luke wasn’t sure how he felt about it.
“Didn’t you already know?” he muttered in response.
“Well, yes,” John answered, leaning back into his chair, “but if you had told me, I could have helped you. I wasn’t sure you had even realized it yourself.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Luke mumbled, picking up his quill once more. He had to focus on planning the trip. He had to forget about Clara.
“Are you sure you are up to working today?” Again, John’s voice was full of condolence.
“I am planning our trip,” Luke answered with more force than he intended.
