I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe we can just forget about this confession. I can keep cutting the heads off the weeds, and we can go back to the way things were.
Just when I think he’s going to tug me to the door and return us to the party, he looks up at me and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear.
“But even safety can come with a thrill. If you want it.”
He’s inching closer toward me until the toes of his boots are nearly touching mine. I’m not saying yes, but I’m not saying no either.
“Have you ever thought of me this way?” His hand reaches up and his thumb rests on my bottom lip, gently prying open my mouth. I know exactly which way he’s talking about because it’s the exact way I have to suppress.
We’re always honest with each other. I can’t tell him no.
I just watch him swallow in slow motion, and I can see that he’s biting the inside of his cheek. Between these two of us, he’s not the one to be so uncertain. He’s confidence manifested. He’s the one that knew when to stop studying for a test because he could tell that he’d learned enough. And then he’d ace every exam. He’s the one that stood up for me in the middle of the cafeteria and told people to back off when someone accidentally bumped into me, knocking my tray out of my hands. He didn’t even give any credence to that possibly being an accident because he knew. He always knows.
And now he’s standing here, in front of me, not knowing something.
But I know.
“I’ve thought of it,” I say in intimate tones. My chest heaves with the admission. His hand finds my waist again, this time there’s no tension in the grip. It’s like he’s just waiting. He’s telling me that he’s here. That he wants this. And that he’ll wait for me.
“Maybe you’re scared right now about what could happen between us.”
Staring at his lips, I nod.
“I’m scared too.” His fingers dig into my waist, applying the tiniest amount of pressure. “But I’ve been living a little too safely. I know you as much as a friend possibly can. And it’s not enough. I want more.” He releases a tight breath. “I can give you time. Do you think you might ever feel something for me?”
With his hand on my waist and his eyes peering into my soul, I’m already there. I don’t know how to tell him. It seems too sudden. What? One second I think I’ll make a move on Logan but the next I’m halfway in love with my best friend? But then I realize the truth. I’ve always been halfway in love with Zander. He’s my safe place. My trust. My protection. We know everything about each other, including when he found his first gray hair and that he hasn’t found one since. I never made a move on him because I never wanted to rock the friendship.
Whenever errant waves of hope would crest in my heart, I’d just let them pass. And then usually he had a girlfriend, and I was never going to be the sidepiece.
But I can’t put all of that into words, so I just lead with, “Yes.”
The hope that soars in his face lifts my heart. There’s a whirlpool of tenderness and desire in his eyes. And I don’t think anymore.
Longing raises me up on my toes and slowly, with the greatest caution, I press my lips to his.
Chapter 6
Evie
“Fuck. I need you,” Zander groans against my lips as he pulls me snug into his body. It was just one light kiss and now he’s nuzzling himself into my neck.
My body is awash with nerves. Tingles are traipsing over every pore as he squeezes me.
“I could hold you like this forever.” His arms are wrapped around my back like they’re tied there. I think he means for that forever to start now.
But I thought he wanted something intimate? I know that I sure as hell do. I’ve been waiting a long ass time for this window to crack open, and I’m thinking now is the time to jump through it.
My arms are looped over his shoulders, but I pull them back to allow my fingers room to play with the small curls at the bottom of his neck. His nose nuzzles harder against my skin, and I can feel the heat of his breath. This is so new between us, yet so familiar.
“Why do you think you need me, Zander?” I ask on a hush.
“I need everything about you, Evie. From your sassy stickers to your sassy ass. Your fear of bats to your fear of not being supported. I need your long hugs and your determination to make everyone around you feel heard. I need this.” I didn’t think it was possible, but he squeezes me harder.
“Why now?” my voice catches.
“I’m the last to see it.” His head is shaking when he pulls back to fix his eyes on me. “I didn’t think you needed me in this way. I thought being your friend was it for us. But now that I’ve opened the door to these feelings, it’s like a fucking pandora’s box. There’s no way I’ll be able to stash them away again. But I’ll figure out how to do that, if that’s what you need.”
“You’ve always been everything I need, Zander. Just by simply being yourself.” My hands are inching up the back of his head to draw him closer.
