“What is it?” I asked.
He blinked and shook his head. “Jade. I think she meant to send this text to someone else.”
“What’s the text?” I wasn’t a fan of Jade. She did a good job as Enzo’s assistant after he went through four others. She was what stuck. In that respect, she worked, but she always just seemed off to me. Of course, I was suspicious of women, period, these days, especially when associated with anything to do with us.
“Uh, here.” He handed me the phone, and I stared down at the screen of her in a little dress that barely covered her ass. She’d taken it as a mirror selfie in a club, and she was doing the duck face that girls thought was attractive. Maybe it was attractive to some people, just not to me. The words captioned on the image said, “Come out!”
I wrinkled my nose and handed him the phone back.
“I doubt that was for you. You don’t go dancing in clubs. I don’t think you’ve ever done that,” I said.
He shrugged before drinking again. “Missed out on the good years, I suppose.”
I scoffed. “Would you call making love to the woman who owned your heart missing out?”
He was quiet for a moment. “I would not. However, I no longer have that. In retrospect, I suppose I did miss out. I wasted her time, and for that I have regrets. Imagine how much happier she’d have been without me dragging her down. Without me asking her to marry me and taking her away from Fox. I mean, I did a lot of fucking up. Her career would probably have taken off a lot faster if I hadn’t been in the picture. She’d be with Fox rightnow. He’d still be alive because had I not asked her to marry me, there wouldn’t have been an engagement party for him and you to be taken from. He wouldn’t have died. You wouldn’t have suffered. She wouldn’t have hurt so much or gotten shot. My parents would still be alive?—”
“And I’d still be a mess, Laz wouldn’t exist, and the empire you worked for wouldn’t be here.” I shook my head. “So where are you going with this, Enzo? Huh? I get shit sucks, but this is our life. All of the things you say are because I asked you to cover for me, because I lived in a ball of fear. You lost her because of me. Not because of your choices. Not really. So stop beating yourself up over it. A lot of this shit boils down to me. And honestly, if I ever get to see her again, I’m going to just go to her and tell her everything. I won’t ever have a relationship with her, especially after Church alters the agreement, which I think he will.” I breathed out, my stomach sick. “Anson would likely not entertain a harem with any horsemen, especially after the way he was treated. She is, for all intents and purposes, out of reach for us. Maybe not Cole because he didn’t do anything to her, but you and me? We’re cooked, brother. Done. I very much doubt Anson would let Cole join, but I think he’d let a friendship happen.”
Enzo finished his drink and poured another, not saying a word.
I decided it was time to ask him something that had been bothering me since I left Klaus’s place.
“Did Colten find Rosalie with a gun in her mouth in Fox’s room after we left her?” I asked softly. The thought of her even getting to that point left me so sick that I had done all I could to not throw up. No one ever told me that happened.
Enzo was quiet for a long time. He swallowed down his entire glass of whiskey before pouring another one.
“Enzo?” I pressed.
“Yeah. It’s true,” he said softly. “It was the night we left her. Colten had put her down, and she woke up later. She wandered to Fox’s room. He’d left a gun under his pillow. Loaded. She was in mourning for all of us. She put it into her mouth. Colten came in and found her. He begged her on his knees not to do it. He managed to convince her and took the gun. That’s how she ended up at Anson’s.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face.
What the fuck?
Had I been lucid enough back then, I’d have never let that shit happen. I’d have fought for her. Told her about being raped. About Laz. About my fears. I’d have given her a choice. But I was so fucked in the head back then.
Fuck.
The what-ifs always came back to torture and haunt. Story of my goddamn life.
“Do you think she’s happy with Anson?” Enzo asked softly. “Or was before she was taken?”
I sighed. “I do. I think she’s in love and has a whole family and life she loves. She needs to come home. I think we all need her to so we can…” My voice trailed off.
“Move on,” Enzo murmured.
I nodded glumly. “Yeah.”
“What does moving on look like?” Enzo slurred. The alcohol was hitting him. He spent a lot of time drinking over the years. I knew he did it to forget and drown out whatever pain he didn’t like talking about. I was the king of drowning shit out, so I knew a fellow king when I saw one.
“Well.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “I suppose it looks like you finding a good woman, marrying, and having kids. Making big moves in the world with your company.”
He let out a soft, sad laugh. “We don’t fuck women on our own. We never really have. We’re all in, or we’re out.”
“Well, we aren’t us anymore. Fox is dead.” I breathed out, my throat tight at the mention of him. My last memory of him was him telling me to close my eyes and go to my happy place. I’d heard him being raped by another man. His soft cries before his silence. And then… nothing. He was gone forever.
I fucking missed him every day of my goddamn life, too. I never got to tell him how much I loved him. How much I valued our friendship. How much he meant to me. How fucking sorry I was for everything.
