How he made me stronger, and I’d never forget him. That Rosalie had moved past all of us, even him, but I’d never leave him. I’d hold him in my heart always.
I fucking hated how Rosalie moved on to Evan and replaced Fox with him.
Perhaps that’s why my hatred of Evan was taking over everything. The man could be the second coming of baby Jesus, and I’d still hate him.
I rarely hated people, but when I did….
I polished off my drink and poured another one. May as well take the night to get shit-faced and mope with Enzo. It had been a long time since we’d bonded like this.
“Fox is dead,” Enzo said softly. “And Rosalie has married. It’s just us. Cole will leave us soon, too.”
I nodded glumly. “Just two drunk, lonely chumps on the couch.”
Enzo grumbled and tried to stand, but he stumbled instead and fell back onto the leather cushion. He was quiet for a moment.
“If I moved on, would you come with me?” he murmured, his words slurring.
“I’m with you always, Enzo,” I said gently.
“Jade… I-I think I could?—”
“Not her,” I said thickly. “I-I don’t want to move on with another woman. I’m not interested.”
“Well, I can’t get you pregnant.” He chuckled softly. “Although at this point in my life, I’m about ready to give in and try. I haven’t had sex in years.”
“Not like I’m a virgin,” I muttered, drinking more.
He sighed. “Don’t go there, E. Please.”
I wouldn’t. It was just an angry, drunk thought.
“Sometimes when Cole starts in, I think about just letting go and doing it with him. I love him so much. I love you. I just…” He blew out a breath. “This is fucked.”
“I get it. It doesn’t need an explanation,” I said.
“Would you… Do you think…?”
“Sometimes,” I murmured. “I love you guys, too. I’m not interested in fucking a new girl. I just… I trust you. You know how I look down there. I-I don’t want anyone to see me,” I admitted.
“Is that what holds you back?”
“Not all of the reasons why, but it is some of the reasons. All the tats to hide shit have helped, but I still know things are scarred down there.”
“Rosalie,” Enzo said, his words choked. “She holds me back, too. Even though she’s not mine anymore, the guilt at even looking at another woman eats me alive. I-I held Jade’s hand. In my office. I thought about what it would be like to fuck her. But you know what?”
“What?” I whispered, my voice shaking at knowing he’d been at that point.
“I saw Rosalie. In my head. I-I couldn’t. I fucking want to, and that’s what terrifies me. What it means if I do. If I give in and let go. I-I’m scared, E. I know she’s not mine, but I don’t want to let her go.”
“I know.”
He wiped at a tear on his cheek. “I never told you guys, but I went to her work. I had Dmitri bring her to me. He had to practically drag her to me and shove her into the backseat.” He laughed sadly. “The way my heart jumped in my chest when I saw her. I knew then I still loved her.”
“What happened?” I stared at him. I hadn’t known he’d seen her. He’d really never told us.
“I-I fucked it up more. I almost asked her if she’d still be mine. I was married. She’d have been my mistress.” His laugh was bitter this time. “She saw my wedding band. The hurt on her face. Fuck.” He shook his head. “It didn’t stop me from pushing her down onto the seat, though.”
“You didn’t…?”
