But perhaps she had the same thoughts as Ryder did.
Anson.
Neither wanted to hurt him nor make him question anything.
I understood, but I was at a point in my life where I knew regrets were a bitch, and I didn’t want people I cared for to have them.
There was a knock on my door, and Evan poked his head in.
“Hey,” I greeted him, gesturing for him to come in.
He did and slid into a chair in front of my desk.
“Do you have a minute to talk?” he asked.
“Of course. Is this a normal talk, or do we need something to drink?”
“I could go for a drink.”
I nodded and went to the bar in my room. I got us both glasses of ice and returned with them, along with a bottle of my best whiskey. I poured us two glasses and waited for him to speak.
“Anson left to meet with E.”
I nodded. “He told me.”
“I loved E. So why the fuck do I hate him right now? It’s like, I don’t know, I can’t stand him.”
“I think it’s because you’re Evan now. Not Fox. He loved Fox. He’s angry and takes Fox’s death out on you personally. Hates you for being a replacement when he deemed Fox such a worthy man of Rosalie’s love. You could be the best thing that’s ever happened to her, and he would not like you because you’re not Fox.”
Evan nodded glumly. “I miss me sometimes.”
“I know,” I said gently. “But you’re still you, Evan. You are.”
He drank and was quiet. I studied him, my heart aching. He was a good guy. I wanted only the best things in the world for him.
“Do you think the guys… the horsemen… would, I don’t know, want me to come home if they knew I was alive?”
“I do,” I answered. “The question is, do you want to go home?”
“Sometimes,” he whispered. “It feels like a whole other life now. I just… I feel like Fox died and I missed it, you know? I just woke up in this whole new life that I guess I wasn’t prepared for.” He swirled his glass. “Can you… Would you go to my grave with me?”
I blinked at his request.
“Uh, yes. Yes, I would do that with you if you think it would help.”
“I do.” He looked at me. I couldn’t see his eyes because of his sunglasses, but I knew he was likely misty-eyed. “Can we go now?”
“Of course.” I got to my feet, him following.
He pulled his gaiter onto his face and followed me out to my car. We rode to the cemetery where he was supposedly laid to rest, neither of us speaking.
He even asked to stop at a flower shop along the way, so I did, waiting for him to come out. He returned with a single white rose, and we continued on.
My phone rang, and I answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, just finished meeting with E. He was just giving an update on what the private detective found. Mostly just a lot of nothing. Stuff we already knew. I’m going to swing into Church’s. Hang out with Ellis and Trent.”
