“I wasn’t even going to try. Clearly it hasn’t ever worked in the past,” grudgingly stomping off to the kitchen. He was in street clothes. He must have showered and changed in the Dry Room today, since I wasn’t with him.
“There’s something else,” I said following him, as he was pouring a glass of water. I told him I was on leave and why. He didn’t respond. He just stood there drinking his water, facing away from me. When I couldn’t handle the silence anymore, I said, “Fine, I’ll check in later this week.” I turned and walked back to the living room to grab my things.
As I was about to head down the stairs to the cellar, he reappeared with money in his hand. He held it out for me to take. It wasn’t much, probably all we had left until we got paid this week. I knew it was his way of telling me he loved and supported me, even thoughthings haven’t been great with us lately. But I gave the money back, “No, it’s ok. I’m sure Jim will take care of me. Not like I’m going to go anywhere where I’m going to need money, anyway.”
He shoved the money back in his pocket and pulled me into his arms. “Stay safe,” he mumbled. Then he pulled away and cupped my neck, “There are rumblings about what happened. Gossip is flying around. Don’t go anywhere alone. Stay in the Village and around others. You hear me?”
Once I gave him a confirming nod of my head he turned and went up the stairs to our rooms.
I felt conflicted. I hated that we were fighting and he didn’t like my current choices and I wish he could understand more but at the same time, I wouldn’t do anything different. Well, except for getting Jim stabbed. I would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen. Even becoming mute for the rest of my life if I needed to.
I headed back to Jim’s with my bag and pillow, walking past miners coming home to their families after a long shift. It was Wednesday, so it would probably be a slow night at the bars based on how many of them I was seeing. And clearly Dad was right, I was getting looks by them that I normally didn’t receive.
I’m no longer invincible.
I let myself back in since there wasn’t a way to lock the door. I dropped my stuff on the floor in the living room and headed back upstairs to find Jim awkwardly sitting up, “You came back.”
I looked at him in confusion, “I told you I would be back. Did you see my note?” I leaned down, partially on the bed to lean across, and pecked a kiss on his lips, which I think took him by surprise. But I couldn’t stop with that one. Without being too aggressive withit, I moved my lips open a little on the second kiss and bravely used my tongue to lick the seam of his lips.
The feeling it gave me even if there was worry or stress coursing through me, is indescribable. Like all other emotions were in a losing battle to the excitement of our affection. I felt my dick start to plump in the thrill of it all, but Jim pulled away before I could get totally carried away.
After catching his breath, he said, “Yes, I saw your note, but…,” he twitched his mouth and nose in a cute way like he was thinking, “I guess I was expecting you to get held up by your father.”
“Well, my dad doesn’t control me even though he wishes he could,” I said flatly, stepping away.
“I have a feeling no one could control you at this point. Even me,” he stated with a slight tone of irritation, making me want to apologize again. If I had listened or if he had been able tocontrol me, this wouldn’t have happened.
“Umm, I brought a bag of belongings,” I said instead, clearing my throat nervously, getting off the bed and taking a step back towards the door, biting my bottom lip. “It’s downstairs,” pointing down like he didn’t know which directiondownis. “I won’t stay if you don’t want me to, but I just thought you might need help until you can move easier, and I have spare time now that Tom doesn’t want me at the mine until he handles things and I promise I’ll leave you be unless you need something,” I added for good measure, hoping that will help him agree to let me stay.
“You ramble when you get worked up, it’s adorable,” giving me a small smile. “And what if I don’t want you tolet me be?” His expression was completely relaxed, and soft.
I stood solid, hoping that meant what I think he meant. He reached out his hand gently in my directionand moved his fingers in a come here motion. I took the two steps to the right side of the bed, since he had taken residence on the left, and sat down sideways on the edge, facing him.
“First, I am glad you are not going back down into the mine. I respect Tom’s decision and hope you do too.” When I nodded, he continued, “Let’s put to bed our conversation about us, okay? I want to make sure we are on the same page before you get hurt,” he said, always thinking of me. “And I’m going to make it really simple and plainly stated, with all the facts. I like men, which I think we may have covered now, a couple of times,” sarcasm leaking from the sentence making me laugh, “but more importantly, I really like you,” he said, threading his fingers into mine, clasping them together, shutting me right up.
My brain was fizzy from the straightforward honesty. Obviously, there is attraction there or we wouldn’t be kissing but… Why me? I was no one. I was just a– ugh, I hated that I was thinking it but–a kid.With no experience and very little understanding of the world we live in from being sequestered in the middle of nowhere my entire life.
And Jim was nothing like me. For one, he was older. And he’s not just quiet, he’s private. I think if the possibility of him moving where I came from was presented, he wouldn’t think twice about it since he seemed content on a reclusive lifestyle.
I must have been staring into space for too long because Jim let go of my hand and reached up and touched my face with his palm bringing me back to him. “Are you panicking?”
“Yes.” The word came out so fast, it made him laugh with a glow I am quickly becoming addicted to seeing. It’s faint, but it’s bright enough to know that there is a light inside him that he keeps covered. Then he closedhis eyes and grimaced, losing it just as fast. “What’s wrong?”
“You made me laugh. I shouldn’t do that, it made me vibrate so much that it hurt my back.” He took some light breaths, then opened his eyes again, with a state of calmness, continuing the conversation. “I don’t want you to panic. If you don’t fully like me in that way, I will respect that. Some men only use that attraction for physical means. We never really stated otherwise. Plus, you and your father are very good at talking around a topic without ever saying it out loud. It’s like a whirlpool of words and I have to put them in the right order to understand the hidden message.”
I lightly dragged my hand down my face, “We really do that, don’t we?”
“Yes, but we will talk about talking more openly later. Let’s stay on topic,” he diverted me back to what he had said before. “I like you, Charlie. There is something about you that just makes me want to touch you, hold you. I have never felt this strongly about anyone before and normally it’s for not, for obvious reasons,” he transitioned back to holding my hand. “But I need a response. A verbal one. Because I don’t want to dwell on these feelings if it’s not going to be reciprocated. I’d rather bury them as soon as possible and move on than put either of us in an uncomfortable position.”
After a moment, I laid down in his bed with him, facing each other, I looked into his eyes. I could see he was trying to read mine, like the color they hold will tell him the secrets of the universe like a crystal ball. I leaned in close, shut my eyes and fully pressed my lips with his, while keeping it soft and light. My lips didn’t move once they landed as I became weightless, like a cloud floating in the atmosphere.
When I pulled back, and opened my eyes, he was looking back at me like that kiss changed everything he thought his world was. I leaned my forehead against him for a moment. I released the breath I had been holding out of nervous fear. “Please be patient with me, because I don’t know what I am doing.”
He went to lean in for another kiss in a wordless response when the door downstairs slammed closed, making me jump and jostling Jim, making him clench.
“Jim!”
Fuck Me.
