“I could hear your fucking voice in my head reminding me to keep my hands off your sister, but fuck man, despite knowing I shouldn’t…” I shrug a bit and bow my head, looking down at the floor so I don’t need to see the disapproval in his eyes.
“So why did you?” he asks. Despite thinking he would be angry hearing the revelation, his tone contradicts that, and I raise my eyes to meet his, a furrow in my brow. He must see the confusion because he clarifies. “If you knew you shouldn’t, why did you? After all these years, and after all this time, what made you do it?”
I think back to that night. The night at the top of Paris and the way she looked, the nerves that swam in my gut, and the excitement that lit me from the inside out. She had me completely consumed by her. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Before I even kissed her, I was intoxicated by every part of her. Jordan isn’t just beautiful, she’s smart, funny, and kind. She’s compassionate and willing to be there for any one of her friends when they need it. I know she did a lot of sharing in the last few months, and says I didn’t share a lot with her, but even before we were together physically, I shared more with her than I’ve shared with just about anyone on this planet.
“She made me feel seen. Worthy.” I let out a surprised laughat the revelation. “Deep down I think I’ve known for a long time that she’s perfect for me, and while I’ve been slow as fuck on the emotional front, the rest of me knew.”
Nate smiles at me, sitting back in his chair. “So what are you going to do about it?”
I frown. “What can I do about it? I fucked it up, dude. She probably hates me. Besides, I’m not good at this shit. Even if I do something about it, I’ll just fuck it up again. I don’t want to cause her any more damage than I already have.”
“Christ, Liam. Seriously? That’s your attitude?” The smile is gone as he tosses his pen down to the desk in exasperation. “You realize how many times I fuck up with Savanna? How many times we’ve each fucked up? Relationships aren’t perfect and they’re not about being perfect. They’re about doing your best, and when you do fuck up, you own up to it, and you learn from it. You work through shit together. You don’t give up and throw in the towel just because things get hard.”
My head tilts as I let his words settle and digest. They make me think about my mom which makes my stomach churn in a way I highly dislike. “You don’t just become a coward who runs away.”
“Exactly.”
Sucking in a heavy breath, I fall against the back of the chair with a grunt of frustration at myself. Have I become my mother? Were things hard for her and that’s why she left? Rather than standing up and facing whatever was hard for her, did she choose to run away? Fuck. That’s what I did.
“You aren’t your mother, Liam,” Nate says, reading my thoughts. “And Jordan isn’t either. Who knows why she left, but this isn’t that. The two of you aren’t your parents.”
“I fucked up, dude.”
“So? So did I. Make it right.”
“You don’t think it’s too late?”
Nate laughs and shakes his head. “I definitely don’t. I mean, you might need to give her a stellar speech and an incredible apology, but I’d make a healthy bet that she’ll forgive you.”
Hope is spreading through my chest and I’m sitting up a little straighter. Nate seems on board with this which is in complete contrast to his initial reaction. Which deflates my hope as I realize this is all for naught.
“She deserves more than me. I’m just the Santa Rosé man-whore.”
“I was out of line, and I’m sorry,” Nate apologizes with a shake of his head. “That might have been true before, but it doesn’t need to be true in the future. You said it yourself, man, she makes you feel worthy. And if that’s how you feel, that’s what you are.”
When I don’t look convinced, he runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Look, I know I came at you guys hard. Seeing you and her together was the last thing I expected, and it took me back to a time that…”
“Jor told me what happened,” I offer when he trails off and doesn’t finish the sentence.
Nate doesn’t look that surprised, giving a short nod. “It’s kind of like you, man. I made her promise me not to get involved with a friend, and told all my friends not to go after her because I couldn’t go through that shit again. I couldn’t lose another friend. Even though I’m damn glad I lost that asshole that day.”
“Fuck, me too.”
“You deserve her, Liam. If anyone deserves her, it’s you. We’ve been through thick and thin over the last ten years. I know who you are, and if you’re the one that she wants, and she’s what you want, then I’m nothing but thrilled over it.” He puts a hand up before I can protest what he just said and adds, “Even if I didn’tseem like it at first. You’re my brother, man. I can’t think of anyone better for her.”
“Not even Brody?” I ask with a smirk.
Nate laughs with a shake of his head. “Definitely not Brody.” There’s a pause between us for a moment before he asks, “You want her?”
There’s not an ounce of hesitation in me when I respond, “There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted more in my life.”
“Then go get her.”
My eyebrows shoot up when he gets to his feet. “What? You mean right now?”
“You going to be able to wait until tomorrow when you’re off shift?”
That’s a good fucking point. There’s no way I’m going to be able to wait. If he’s giving his blessing, and he’s certain that she’ll take me back, then I’ll go crazy having to wait any longer than absolutely necessary.
