So it was that he sat alone in his office, lamenting his mistakes, unable to care about his victory because such victories were hollow when there was nobody to share them with.
He missed Celestine… oh, how he did.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
It was three days later, and Edward knew what he needed to do. He just wasn’t sure that he could do it. He had spent the last week and a half avoiding this task, his stubborn nature fighting him to stand his ground because he was not one to give in.
But what was the point in winning, in being proven correct, if there was nobody to celebrate it with? To be victorious and alone, or defeated but with those you loved? That was the question.
Not that it was much of one. Despite what many believed of Edward, he did care. He did love. He did want those in his life who he was close with to be happy. And as the last week and a half had proven, he was the reason that such things were not possible.
So, with the end of day steadily approaching, with tonight one that he needed to be ready for, he did as he should have done aweek ago. He made his way to Millicent’s bedroom, knocked on the door, and walked inside.
“Millicent…” The room was bathed in natural light, an immediate sense of good tidings and positive moods not felt in the manor all week. That was until he saw his niece sitting by the window.
She turned and she scowled at him, before looking back out the window. Suddenly, the room darkened, the mood dropped, and a cold swept through it that made Edward shake.
It might have been enough to see him change his mind and walk away, but he stayed strong. As he had long since come to decide, everything that had happened between himself and his niece was his fault, and if there was any chance that they might repair their relationship, he had to take charge.
What was more, he wanted to repair it. He hadn’t gone through all of this just because he felt that he needed to, desperate to see her courted as was expected and right. He did it because he loved Millicent deeply, he wanted her to be happy, just as he wanted her to love him as he loved her back.
“Might we talk?” he asked as he crossed the room towards her. She said nothing, nor did she turn around. “You are upset with me, as you have every right to be. And all week I have…” He stopped halfway across the room. “I have been meaning to come and see you, Millicent. To explain why I?—”
“To make excuses, you mean,” she spoke over him, still not turning.
He winced. “No. I am not going to make excuses. I thought I might. I… I wanted to. I wanted to come here and justify what I did and why I did it, as if that would be enough. As if you should understand.” He laughed. “As if you ought to be the one to apologize to me.” She did not laugh, but he did not expect her to. “Rather than that, I thought I would explain myself and then apologize.”
“What is there to explain?” she said, her voice sharp. “It is not as if you made a mistake or… or it was something that I shouldn’t have seen coming.” Finally, she turned. Her expression was rueful, anger seeping from her pours like perfume. She had all week to think about what Edward had done, and clearly, in that time, her opinion of him had only gotten worse. “If anything, I should feel like a fool for feeling this way, for expecting…” Her brow furrowed and her chin wobbled. “For believing that you had changed. When what I should have known from the beginning was that you were always going to ruin this for me. That always, all you care about, is yourself.”
Edward winced, shame striking him like a dagger through the chest.
Millicent’s accusation was a little too hard hitting, a little too accurate, and impossible to deny. From her point of view, the Edward that she knew, his actions were nothing out of the ordinary. For as long as she had known Edward, he was alwaysone to do as he pleased, as he wanted, caring nothing for how others viewed him.
But she is wrong… that is not me. At least I do not want it to be.
“You are only half right.” He walked toward her and she turned away. “Not that you are wrong for thinking that. Everything you know of me and that you have seen proves the point. I am selfish, self-obsessed, and I only care about myself.”
She scoffed. “At least you can admit that.”
“Would you believe me if I said that I don’t want to be that way?” he continued as he came in behind her. He wanted to touch her on the shoulder, but he held back. “That this past Season, everything I have done has been in an effort to change that about myself? That what I do care about, the only thing, is you, Millicent.”
She scoffed again. “That’s a lie, Edward.”
“It is not.”
“It is!” She turned and fixed him in a glare framed by bloodshot eyes. “I don’t even care about what happened with Lord Grundon. I… know he is not what he seems, and I realized that long before you embarrassed me.”
“I know that now.”
“Do you?” she pleaded, still furious. “Or do you just hate that you have ruined your chance to get rid of me? No…” A shake of the head. “You do not even want that. You like that you control me. And this whole Season, all that you did, was a game to you. You never intended for me to meet anyone.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do,” she said. “Even Celestine…” She sniffed back her tears. “You never cared about her either. You used her as you used me, and now that you do not need her anymore, you sent her away. All you care about is you.” She widened her eyes at him, held them on him for a moment, and turned back.
Edward had debated what he was going to say to Millicent. A simple apology might have been nice, but that was never going to be enough. The trust between him and Millicent had been broken, and the only way to get it back was to tell her everything.
He had already ruined one relationship; driven away one person he cared deeply for. He would not do the same with his niece.
