“I need to tell you something,” he began. “And please, just… just listen. I am not trying to justify anything. I am not trying to make excuses. All I want is for you to understand.”
She said nothing, still looking out the window. Edward took that as acceptance; it was the best he could have hoped for.
“When Celestine and I were first engaged, it was not real. It was a false engagement, one that we lied about.”
“What?” Millicent spun about. “What does that mean?”
“You are right about my reputation,” he continued. “How I have behaved my entire life. I did not care about anyone, or what was said of me, and I believed that it made no difference. Only, as you grew from a little rascal into a woman, I came to realize the mistake I had made. Like it or not, your reputation is tied to my own, and I knew that because of this I had doomed you.”
“So, it is about you?”
“No,” he said. “It is about you, Millicent. Knowing what I had done, I asked Celestine to fake an engagement with me so that we might fix my reputation. In so doing, I believed it would give you a real chance this Season. I did not want it, but I did it, and only because of you.” He looked down at her, his expression firm. “Say what you will about me, but I do care about you, just as I want you to be happy.”
“But you…” She bit into her lip; clearly confused. “And your marriage? Was that all a trick?”
“No…” He smiled gently. “That was real. What started as a false engagement grew into something more. And because it did, I came to realize that marriage was not the trap I believed. In fact, by marrying Celestine I came to understand just how important it was that you might have the same. Or better.”
The words stung. While Edward knew them to be true, he had not spoken such things out loud before. His marriage to Celestine might have started strangely, but it grew into something else, something real… and something that he ruined.
“I had no idea…” Her voice dropped as if with shame.
“But I made a mistake,” he continued, his chest tightening. “I became too obsessed with your future. I was so determined to see you happy that I lost sight of what I was doing. And when Lord Grundon appeared…” He clenched his jaw. “As I said, I will not make excuses. And while I am not sorry for what I did, I am sorry for what it did to you. Please, Millicent… know that I am.”
The anger on his niece’s face faded. The fury behind her eyes vanished. What remained was a look of utmost sadness, guilt too, as if she had done something wrong.
“Oh, Edward…” She looked away. “I… I am sorry that I –”
“No,” he cut her off. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But I do,” she continued, her voice cracking. “If Lord Grundon had not been so obsessed with me, this might have never happened.”
“Lord Grundon is obsessed with me, Millicent.” He reached down and took her hand, and he smiled when she did not pull away. “You were just caught in the middle of it.”
“What of Celestine?” she asked hopefully. “Is she… is she coming back?”
Edward winced, another stabbing pain felt in his chest.
“That I cannot say.”
“But why?” she cried.
“Because I…” A shake of the head. “I made another error. I lost sight of why we married, focused so much on Lord Grundon and what he did. I drove her away.”
“Then get her back.”
“It is too late for that.”
“No.” Her brow furrowed with determination. “I don’t believe that. And I don’t think that you do either. Celestine loves you, Edward. I know that she does.”
“You don’t know that…”
“But I do.” She looked at him with hope. “Whatever your marriage was, I saw you both together. And when I was mad at you, she defended you…” She grimaced. “I was furious that she did, but I see why now. She loves you. I know it.”
There was a part of Edward that wanted to believe that. There was another part that did believe it. But the final part held much doubt and would not be beaten back so easily.
Even if she did love him, Edward believed that he had ruined his chance with Celestine. She had come to him, she had asked for his trust, and he had turned her away. And why? For vengeance, something petty, and something that he no longer cared about.
“Maybe,” he said with a sigh. “But it is too late now.”
