She shook her head. “No, I don’t… tonight!” She sat up. “The end of Season Ball. We are going, yes?”
Edward frowned. “I wasn’t sure if you would want to.”
She laughed. “I did not, but now I think that we should. Celestine might be there, Edward. Maybe she will even be there because she thinks you will be. She wants you to go to her…” Her smile grew, true belief felt throughout the room. “She wants you to show her that you love her. You do love her, don’t you?”
“I… I…” Edward hesitated, almost denied it, but in the face of Millicent’s excitement, he saw no reason to lie. Not to her. And certainly not to himself. “I think I do, yes.”
“Then it is settled.” She stood up. “I always thought that you wanted to be miserable, Edward.” Still holding his hand, she squeezed it. “I thought you liked that about yourself. But after you married Celestine, I realized you weren’t miserable. Notreally. You were just lonely. But when she came into your life, that was gone and for the first time…” Her smile grew. “You deserve to be happy, Edward. I just wish you’d stop thinking otherwise.”
Happy… could Edward really be happy?
Once, such a state of being was little more than a dream, a rare one at that. For so long, he had not given thought to his own happiness, just as he refused to believe that he needed such a thing. But this past Season, so much had changed.
It wasn’t a question if Edward could be happy, because he had been. For those few weeks that he had been married to Celestine, happiness was undoubtedly what he had found. He had lived it. He had relished it. He had believed for a time that it might just be his future.
The contrast of that to this past week was undeniable, a return to how things had once been, and a reminder of what lay in store for Edward if he did not try. Yes, he was stubborn. Yes, he had made mistakes. But that did not mean he couldn’t change. Nor did it mean that he did not want to.
Millicent looked at him with hope, brimming enthusiasm, and belief in her words. She wanted this for him, and that she cared so much… it was enough to diffuse Edward’s doubt, to make him believe as he so needed to believe.
“Tonight,” he said. “Yes, I think I will go.”
“Yay!” Millicent cried.
“Just promise me one thing.” He made sure to look at her. “Whatever happens, whatever comes, that you will not let it ruin you. Your future is what matters most, Millicent.”
“No,” she said. “Both of us. And after tonight, well…” She took a deep breath and exhaled. “I just know things are going to change. It would be about time.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The ballroom was as crowded as Edward had ever seen. From the moment he and Millicent arrived, it was nothing but throngs of guests crammed together in a space that appeared far too small for their number.
Edward was a tall man, so he stood above most. This allowed him to scan the heads of the guests, searching immediately for Celestine. She was all he cared about that night, and until he spoke to her, nothing else mattered.
“Can you see her?” Millicent was with him and while she tried to look, it was impossible for someone as short as she was.
“I…” He groaned. “She must be here. She has to be.”
“She will be,” Millicent said. “I know it.” She took Edward’s hand once more and gave it a comforting squeeze, a way to show him that she was there and by his side.
Edward’s throat tightened at the gesture. It was the last ball of the Season, one that should have been all about Millicent. She had gone the entire Season without finding the interest of even a single suitor, and should she not tonight, then the Season would be a waste.
But she did not care. What she cared about was her uncle, his future, his happiness. She was far too kind, far too loving, and far too good for someone like Edward. He looked at her, his chin wobbled, and he wondered how he was so lucky to have someone like her in his life.
Most of all, as he looked at her, it inspired him. She truly believed that Celestine still loved him, and he knew that if this was proven true, then it would make her even happier than if she found love of her own. To care so much about somebody else… that was who Edward wanted to be.
No, that is who I am. I care… not about me, but Millicent, and about Celestine. This is for them, as much as it is for me.
“Come.” Keeping his niece close, Edward waded through the crowd. “And keep your eyes open for her.”
There were just so many guests. The lords all blended into one, the suits they wore of similar colors, the style of their hair, even their faces were indistinguishable as Edward searched. While the colorful gowns of the women were blinding, a kaleidoscope that blurred and blocked and made it impossible to distinguish one person from the next.
As Edward walked, he noticed many of the guests looking at him. They frowned. They shook their heads. Most even turned away, as if worried he would approach them.
His name was still poison in theton, as he had not bothered to enact his revenge on Lord Grundon. In truth, it made little difference to him. Let the people judge. Let them shy away. Let them hate. Celestine was who he cared about, and until he told her how he felt, nothing else mattered.
“Is that…” Millicent pointed through the crowd. “It’s Marigold! Look.”
Edward turned sharply and exhaled with relief when he saw one of Celestine’s sisters. He pulled Millicent with him, a struggle to do, but he wasn’t going to leave her behind.
