“Yes! Huge, irrational fear.”
He nodded. “Okay. I have a fear of…birds. People mock me for it. Is it the same?”
Not really but I guess it can be seen as irrational. “Hm…no.Do you remember yesterday? When I…froze? In front of everyone?”
He thought about it and tensed. “Were you afraid? Ofme?”
“No! No. I mean I wasafraid. But not about what you think. I was afraid to embarrass myself. To embarrassyou. You want to know why?” He gave a tight nod. “Because I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to marry between your brother and you. I hadn’t been given many details about you, and since I didn’t know who I was supposed to walk to, my legs just refused to cooperate.”
He mulled over my words. “Irrational.”
“Yes! I thought…that if I got it wrong, you’d be embarrassed. That maybe you would send me away and I’d be sent back to Jake and forced to live a miserable life with a violent man and hisawfulfamily, and—”
His fingers found the spot where my pulse was the strongest again and his scowl deepened. “How can your heart handle something like this?” he mused. “This…anxiety, this is bad.”
“Trust me, I know,” I said. “I’ve been living with it for a very long time.”
He studied me in silence, eyes searching mine, still taking my pulse while he held my waist with his other hand. “No more anxiety. Okay?”
I scoffed. “It’s not like I can control it. My brain can’t help its relentless overthinking.”
He looked up to my forehead. “Next time you have…an attack, you tell me, yes?”
“Why, so you can count my heartbeat?” I tried to joke.
But he cupped my face in his hands, bringing us closer. “No. So I can understand what triggers it. How to prevent it. How tofixit.”
He looked beautiful, even though worries pulled at his features.He cares. He really cares.
“Okay.”
Filbur let out a shuddering breath and glanced over his shoulder. We couldn’t see much behind the thin waterfall, but whatever he was checking must have satisfied him because when he turned back to me, his lips landed on mine.
The kiss was not urgent or hungry like it had been this morning. But the way his hands wouldn’t let go of me andhadto be in contact with my skin sent fire to my lower belly.
12
Nothing worse than cutting your own dick off in front of your partner to ruin the mood.
Filbur
Her body relaxed instantly in my arms, lips soft as they moved against mine. Why could I not look away? Why were my hands unable to let go of her? Unable to stop caressing all over of her soft curves, trying to commit each of them to my memory?
“Tamara.” My voice was barely over a whisper.
“Tammy,” she breathed out. “Please, call me Tammy.”
I stopped kissing her, only long enough for my eyes to rove over her features. She looked slightly flushed, heat spreading over her cheeks and to her chest.
This was not lying. She had been the same this morning…
“Tammy,” I repeated, smiling as I brushed the soft skin under her eye. “It is pretty, I like it.”
She returned my smile and in this moment, I wished all the things that had ever wiped the happiness from her face would just disappear.
“I should let you swim a bit more in peace,” I finally said. Her lips parted in confusion and I forced myself to pull away from her inviting embrace. “I will get us something to eat, you must be hungry.”
“I’m not that hungry.” She pouted.
