“Come see, come see,” Maria said. “It had so far to go, but it never gave up.”
“And here’s nature, proving my point,” Becca said, laughing.
After I admired the inchworm’s tenacity, I thanked them for being here when I needed them.
Becca walked me out to the car. The night was clear. No fog. Just stars singing from a purple sky.
“Drive safe.” Becca hugged me hard, then held on to the door before I could close it. “One more thing. When you see her, don’t bring just words. You need to prove how you feel through your actions.”
“How do I do that?”
“I don’t know her, but you do. What does she care about? What does she need from you? Whatever that is, give it to her.”
I drove home under the canopy of stars, my car hugging the curves with the caution of a man who had lived four decades and hoped to live another four. Because now, if I could salvage the mess I’d made, I had something to live for. A family.
When I reached a lookout point at the highest point on the road, I stopped and got out of the car. Below me, waves crashed to shore, the noise carrying up the cliff. A sliver of a moon hung just above the horizon, like a sly wink. I sat on the lookout bench and watched the way the waves gathered speed as they approached land, then flattened out at the last moment.
Nate and I had stopped here once, not long before he died. I’d asked him how it felt to be home. He’d said it was an adjustment for all of them. Becca was accustomed to doing things her way.Maria acted like he was a stranger. It was only Luci who seemed truly happy he was home.
“Sometimes I think they’d all be better off without me,” Nate had said. “Like it would have been better if I’d just died over there. They could think of me as a hero then, instead of the waste I truly am.”
How could I not have heard what he was saying? Thinking back, it was obvious what was on his mind. However, I didn’t want to believe it. I’d just wanted my friend to be okay. But he hadn’t been, and I had to live with that for the rest of my life. I’d let him down.
Was that the crux of it all? I thought I wasn’t enough. Pretty soon, Delphine and Annie would realize my inadequacies and leave me behind, proving to myself once and for all that I was not worthy of love. What if I let them down the way I’d let Nate down?
I tilted my head all the way up to take in the stars. They were spectacular up here without competition from city lights. Was my mother up there, looking down at me? Shaking her head at my misguided thoughts?
“What if I let them down?” I whispered, hoping she might hear me.
She did, speaking sternly from her perch in heaven.
Well, then, just don’t. Don’t let them down. Be the man I raised. Stand up and do what needs doing.
My mother, showing up when I needed her.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll do what needs doing.”
As soon as I figured out what that was.
22
DELPHINE
Ispent the early part of the evening in my potter’s shed, trying to put my feelings into my work, but it didn’t help, so I went to my garden. On my hands and knees, I weeded one of my flower beds, yanking out invasive plants as if they deserved punishment. Meanwhile, Poe sat on the window seat in the house, staring at me. Around eight, Annie called out to me that she’d made dinner.
Reluctantly, I got up from the dirt and went inside. Poe came running and rubbed himself against my ankles. I stooped to pick him up for a quick snuggle before I noticed Annie had made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. More specifically,threegrilled cheese sandwiches andthreebowls of soup, each with a basil leaf on top for decoration. She’d set the table too. For three.
I scrubbed my hands at the sink. What was she doing? Dorian wasn’t coming over tonight. Surely she knew that? He would not be joining us again, ever. Or had she made three to make a point? And what would that be exactly? That I’d driven him away?
“Why so much food for just the two of us?” I asked, keeping my voice even as I dried my hands on a dish towel.
She shrugged, without meeting my gaze. “I don’t know. I thought we might need an extra.”
“Well, I hope you’re hungry, because no one else is coming.”
She didn’t say anything, just took her place at the table, waiting for me to join her. I poured a glass of wine first and then sat in the spot that had become Dorian’s.
I forced myself to eat, even though I wasn’t hungry. Keeping myself together had to be a priority, especially in front of Annie.
