Kyle closed his eyes, as Ryan prayed aloud for him.That Kyle would let God have His way.That God would make an answer plain.That God would bless Gen and Bella with salvation soon too.
“And my parents,” Kyle rasped.
“Yep, Lord, save them too.And thank You that You are trustworthy, that we can trust You with our future, whatever that looks like.You’ve already seen it, You know it, and the Bible says You’re working things out for our good.So thanks, for everything.Amen.”
“Amen,” Kyle muttered.
Another baby whimper tore at his heart.Had that been what Bella sounded like?
“Thanks Ryan.I didn’t know I needed this.”
“Hey, it’s all good.And if it makes you feel any better, I had a good cry with my mom after I had my close encounter of the unsaved kind with Sylvie.”
Embarrassment writhed through him.How awesome to know that Ryan had heard Kyle bawl.
“Give it to God.He loves you.He’s got good plans.You can trust Him.Amen?”
“Amen,” Kyle muttered.“You should be a preacher.”
“Ha.You’re funny.But maybe.When I retire one day.”The baby squalled again.“That’s me done.Catch ya.”
“Thanks Ryan.”
The call ended, and he sat on his couch for a long time, Ryan’s words tumbling through his heart.It was one thing to know some Scriptures.It was another to actually feel like he needed to stand on God’s promises and claim them for his life.
Just like it was one thing to claim to be a Christian, and another to actually follow Christ.It wasn’t only about what one believed, but how one lived.The actions, the priorities, the choices he made day by day.
And while he might’ve been claiming salvation, he hadn’t actually submitted his life to let Jesus be first and to have His way.Kyle hadn’t picked up his cross and sacrificed himself to follow God’s promptings each day.
He bowed his head, head in his hands, elbows on knees.“Lord.”
Lord.His mind flicked to a recent Bible study someone had shared—maybe Jai.Something about how the disciples had called Jesus “Lord” but Jesus had turned around and said “Why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’ but do not do what I say?”Then given them the illustration of a house built on sand versus the house built on a rock.The person who built their life on what God said had stood strong in the storms, while the other person’s house—their life—fell away.
And while technically his mind knew Jesus was Lord, he hadn’t done a lot of letting Jesus have His way.And now, in this moment, that felt like one of his life’s ultimate storms, he had the choice to cling to how he’d always done things, or do things a different way.Jesus’s way.
“Lord.”This time the word held deep meaning.“I really want You to be my Lord,” he prayed.“I know I messed up.I know I got things wrong.Ten years ago and yeah, probably yesterday.”
Images flashed of Gen’s shock, her hurt, her anger.Images entwined with Bella’s confusion.Poor girl.The innocent victim in all of this.
His heart panged.“Lord, this just feels like such a mess.And I don’t know what to do.”Tears prickled again.“But I know that You do.Help me to trust You.”
A memory of a long-ago family vacation floated into awareness.His family had travelled to Bainbridge Island, to the beach, and built sandcastles.Maybe he’d always been something of a wuss because he could remember now how he’d cried when it was washed away by the sea.
A castle built on sand versus one built on a rock.
“Lord, I want to do things Your way, not mine.”He stifled another sob.“Lord, I need You.”
He opened his fingers, placing his palms upward, a sign he was giving his life with all its pressures to God.
Silence met him for a long moment.Then he got the oddest sense, like maybe God was speaking to him.
Just breathe.Be still.And know I’m God.
Was that God?He wasn’t sure, but it sounded like something He might say.
He drew in a breath, then another, another.Released.
Gradually the shakiness inside steadied, settled, as he kept giving his troubles to God.Each time each new fear arose, he breathed out and gave it to God.
