Hey Lord, what can I do?
He didn’t sense an answer, except to be her friend.
Which he could do.Even if tapping out at friendship sometimes seemed a little hard to do.He’d catch a smile or an expression, and his memories would flare, which sometimes ignited other senses and memories he really wished he could keep under control.He wondered if Ryan or any of the other Northwest Ice dudes had tips on how to dampen down attraction.
Because he didn’t want to push this relationship into the physical.He did want to rebuild their friendship so she’d learn to trust him with everything.And he knew he’d have to keep fighting those moments of attraction, as God had made it clear that she wasn’t for him, not until Gen was following Jesus too.
Lord, touch her heart.Help her find You.Help me be patient.Help me model You.
And later, as the fireworks exploded, and he glanced at Gen again and saw the ribbons of color overhead reflected on her strained face, he realized that whatever she was facing was huge enough to eat away at these moments which were supposed to be about relaxation.
He wished she’d trust him.
Lord, help her trust me.More importantly, help her trust You.
Because the longer this went on, the more he was starting to feel something else for her.
Afraid.
* * *
“Okay, clamps.”
Gen supervised as Francis tied off the patient’s blood vessels, then completed the stitching.“Good job.”
“Thanks.”
She then checked on the new medical student who was supposed to be working with Dr.Visek, except Goran was a no-show today.Apparently he hadn’t liked being made to wait to graduate from the program, which had seen the mother of all arguments last week, and Dr.Singh and the program director hauled upstairs to explain themselves.
This, with all of Gen’s own challenges with the admin, only layered new concerns on her heart.But at least this was something she could do.Lisa, the new intern, wore constant wide eyes and gave a tense vibe like she was drowning in responsibilities, something Gen knew only too well.So she took a moment to show her some of the more efficient ways to streamline the paperwork that had a way of backing up, so she didn’t feel so overwhelmed.
“I’ve found managing my workflow is really important, so you need to learn to prioritize.Firstly sick people, then orders and consults, dispos, notes, then move on to your next patient.And if you use dot phrases and note templates you’ll save yourself a lot of time.”
“Thanks, Gen.I mean, Dr.Rivas.That’s so helpful.”
“You’re welcome.Learning to schedule and manage your time is a lot, so it’s good to find the time-savers that will work for you.”
Having long been a person who thrived on schedules, she’d loved the challenge of meeting all her obligations on her to-do lists.But it had taken time to implement strategies and feel like she was keeping her head above water.
She finished another round of notes as the phone rang.Cindy answered, then nodded to her.“Gen, you’re wanted upstairs by Dr.Rialto and the peer committee.”
She sighed, and checked on Francis again, then found Dr.Singh.“I’ve been asked to see Dr.Rialto again for the peer review.”
He winced.“I wish I could be there with you, but you’ll be fine.”
She wished she had his confidence.The nerves that had accompanied her since that first notification about a complaint ramped up.She checked her appearance then headed upstairs to the conference room.
As the program director, Dr.Rialto was across Gen’s situation as much as Dr.Singh.In her last meeting with him she’d been advised that she would be asked to present her side of events to a group of peers to see if the case needed to escalate to the board.It felt like she was being unfairly targeted, but there was little she could do.
She rode the elevator to the executive floor, her heart tight, like an old-fashioned pincushion with too much stuffing for the fabric straining to keep it in.
That’s what her life felt like.Too full.There was too much going on.Between this review, and all the changes happening with Bella, and with Kyle, and Mom’s moodiness, and the pressures of trying to be good enough everywhere all the time—
She didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up.
Her phone buzzed with a notification.Kyle.Praying hands emoji.
Huh.Well, she could do with it.Maybe God would listen to him, seeing he was so good these days.
