“Nope.” I shook my head.Only you, in my dreams.
“Pity.” He grinned.
“What about you?” I asked, even though my stomach was in knots waiting for his answer.
“Dating is fine. No one special, but then I’m not looking for anyone special.” He laughed. “So I’m pretty cool with that.”
“Yeah.” I smiled at him, not sure if I was happy or sad at his words. Of course I was happy that he didn’t have anyone special, but I was also sad that he didn’t want anyone special. And I wanted to know what he meant by “dating was fine.” How many women was he dating? And who were they and what did they look like and how often was he dating them and how much did he like them and, oh… I had so many questions, so many things I wanted to know, but didn’t really want to know. I was going to drive myself crazy just thinking about it.
“Lara?” He touched my shoulder and I looked up at him in surprise.
“Yeah?” I asked him, frowning.
“You seemed to space out. You okay?” He walked over and sat down on the couch.
“I’m fine.” I nodded. “I thought you needed to work.”
“It can wait.” He leaned back on the couch. “How are you feeling?”
“About what?” I gulped. Oh my God, did he know I was in love with him?
“Mila and Ryker,” he continued. “I’m sure you must be feeling sad now that Mila is spending so much time with Ryker. I know you guys used to spend a lot of time together. I mean, I know I barely see Ryker now and we used to spend a lot of time together. So I can only imagine what it’s like for you and Mila, because you guys were joined at the hip.”
“Oh, okay, yeah, it’s been hard—different.” I gave him a weak smile. “I mean, I’m so happy for them. I know Mila has wanted to be with Ryker for a long time, but now it’s almost like she’s replaced my friendship.”
“She could never replace your friendship,” Parker said. “You know that, right?”
“Well, yeah, but you know what I mean. Ryker is the first person she goes to now. A lot of our friendship was spent talkingabout Ryker and how much she loved him.” I laughed. “And her being angsty about the relationship, but that’s changed now. She has no need to be angsty about it. She has him and they’re happy and, well, it’s just different.”
“Is that why you’ve been so spacey?” He looked at me in concern. “You really shouldn’t let it bother you so much.”
“That’s not why I’ve been spacey,” I said, then stopped. “Well, kinda,” I lied. Better for him to think I was worried about my friendship with Mila than for him to know I was obsessed with thinking about him. I definitely didn’t want him to know how much time he spent in my head and dreams. I knew it was almost obsessive and would most likely make him think I was a nutcase. I mean, who stays in love with a man who barely knows she exists? I was an idiot, and the more I thought about the actual situation, the more I knew that it wasn’t a healthy one to be in. I just didn’t know how to get out of it.
“Well, you know that I...” Parker’s voice trailed off and he jumped up as the doorbell rang. “Hmm, saved by the bell. That must be them.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, though I was curious as to what he’d been about to say.
“We can continue this talk later, though, if you want to.” He looked down at me and gave me such a warm look that my heart melted into pieces.
“Sure,” I said and smiled up at him. How could I not love this man? He was so concerned for my feelings, even though he didn’t love me. God, I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to get over him.
“Lara, you look gorgeous.”Mila hurried into the room and gave me a big hug, her long blond hair cascading down her shoulders, her cheeks bright and her eyes cheery.
“So do you.” I gave her a huge hug and stared at her. “Being in love agrees with you.”
“Haha, thanks.” She grinned and looked back at Ryker for a few seconds. I watched them exchanging a loving look and I turned away slightly, feeling envious. How horrible was it that I was jealous of my best friend? I was happy that she’d found love, but I was sad for myself. Would I ever find that? Would Parker ever look at me the way Ryker looked at Mila?
“So what have you guys been up to?” Mila asked as she looked around the room. “Sorry we’re late. Bad traffic.”
“No worries.” I shook my head. “We were just sitting on the couch talking.”
“Oh?” Her eyes brightened, and I shook my head slightly to indicate to her that it wasn’t anything good or exciting.
“Just about random stuff.” I gave her a quick smile and then leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I think I just need to forget Parker. I don’t think it’s ever going to happen.”
“Oh, Lara.” She chewed on her lower lip. “You don’t know that.”
“Let’s be realistic. We’re not you and Ryker.”
