I wanted her here with me. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted us to laugh together. I wanted everything to be normal again. If I was honest, I certainly didn’t want to hear about Luke. I didn’t want to hear about her laughing, thinking, feeling, touching another guy. I didn’t analyze why I didn’t want to hear about it. It didn’t matter. It was probably a gut reaction, some sort of alpha chemical bullshit that made me feel things I didn’t really feel. I just had to keep reminding myself of that fact. I did not love Lara. I did not want to date Lara. We were not compatible. A relationship between the two of us would never work. It would never be anything more than sex for me and she was ultimately worth more than that. She was a good person. She deserved the best. She deserved a real love. She deserved to have the best part of someone. And I couldn’t allow my temporary jealousy to ruin that for her. I had to not be selfish. I had to be a good friend. I had to show her I could be a good friend. I needed her to forgive me. I needed to be back in her life. I needed her to give me that smile she only gave me. That feeling that warmed me inside. She’d make a good girlfriend. I knew that. She needed someone who could give her back that same devotion.
Sometimes I wished I could be that man, the one who could give her that. Sometimes I thought perhaps I could be that man.On good days when the sun was shining and everything was right in my world, I thought I could be her knight in shining armor. I thought maybe I should ignore the inner voice and just go with my feelings, but then I thought to myself,What would I say? What would I do? What did I really feel?I knew I didn’t really appreciate the feelings she made me feel inside. They made me uncomfortable. And I wasn’t sure if the feelings she made me feel inside were due to her ignoring me. What if everything went back to normal and I didn’t care so much anymore?
Everything about this situation made me uncomfortable, and while sometimes I appreciated being taken out of my comfort zone, for the most part I didn’t. I didn’t like the way she made me feel. I didn’t like the ups and downs of being around her. I liked to be even-keeled. I liked just feeling good, and she didn’t always make me feel good. I couldn’t explain it. I’d never had someone make me feel so happy from just laughing at my jokes. It was a weird experience. To feel. To be so influenced by someone else’s reactions to me. I didn’t know why I cared. It was just Lara. And yet, here I sat, wondering what she was thinking and feeling and when she’d look at me and give me that smile that would let me know everything between us was okay again.
“So, what do you think, Parker?” Mila asked me, and I looked up in confusion.
“Think about what?” I blinked. I could see Lara’s eyes on me, a weird expression on her face as they both gazed at me.
“What Luke said to Lara.” Mila sighed in annoyance. “Do you think that means he’s into her or do you think he’s just playing with her? I mean, I think it’s fairly obvious he’s into her.”
“Sorry, what?” I blinked, annoyed that the Luke conversation was still going on, even though I had obviously spaced out. Why couldn’t girls talk about anything other than guys?
“Do you think Luke likes Lara?” Mila asked again, spacing out her words slowly, enunciating each syllable exaggeratingly.
“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” I said, letting my frustrations out as I replied. I could see Lara’s eyes widening as Mila glared at me.
“You’re such an asshole, Parker. If you’d been listening to what I’d just been saying instead of daydreaming about heaven knows what...”
“Shut up, Mila.” I glared at her. Then I looked over at Lara. “Look, if he asks you out again, that’s a pretty good indication he likes you.” I paused and cleared my throat. “Unless of course you have already had sex with him.” I stared her down, trying to see if I could tell from her reaction if she’d slept with him. My body felt tense as I tried to figure it out.
“Parker!” Mila shouted at me. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m just saying that if Lara already gave the milk away for free, he may not be interested in buying the cow.”
“You’re such an asshole.” Mila looked at me with such a venomous glare that I almost burst out laughing.
“What? You wanted a guy’s perspective, right?” I glared back at her. “Isn’t that why I’m here and Ryker was smart enough to have alternate plans?” I raised an eyebrow at the two women, not even caring that I was being deliberately offensive and annoying. Had she slept with him or not?
“Ryker had to work, something you rarely do,” Mila responded. “And you didn’t come to dish out any guy advice, you came for free food, so stop acting like you’re some sort of god or hero or advice uncle because we asked you one question. You didn’t even listen to what we were saying, so you officially suck in that role anyway.”
“Fine!” I put my hands up and sighed. “I’m listening. Tell me the story. What the fuck did Frank say to Lara that has her knickers in a twist?” I didn’t even try to hide my annoyance.
“His name is Luke.” Mila rolled her eyes.
“And my knickers aren’t in a twist,” Lara responded, her face looking slightly bewildered, though I don’t know why she was confused. She’d been around Mila and me arguing for years. This was nothing new. Unless of course she had reason to believe she knew why I was so agitated. Something in me froze as I thought about her realizing there was more going on here. Was she realizing that perhaps I had feelings for her? I shook my head slightly at the thought. How could she know? I didn’t even know what sort of feelings I had for her. And if anything, she was bewildered by the fact that I was even sitting here, listening to their girl talk in the first place.
“Just tell me the story again.” I rolled my eyes impatiently. “What did Frank—I mean, Luke—say that has you wondering if he’s a good guy or not?”
“I don’t know if I should bother repeating the story now,” Mila said with a glare.
“Why are you telling the story?” I gave her a look. “Isn’t this something happening in Lara’s life? Shouldn’t she be the one asking me?”
“Are you saying that’s the reason why you weren’t listening in the first place?” Mila rolled her eyes. “Because I was telling the story, as opposed to Lara?”
“That’s exactly why.” I nodded sternly. “Who can take you seriously, Mila?” I looked over at Lara. “I’m listening. Feel free to go ahead.”
“Um, it’s okay.” Lara looked at me awkwardly and I just wanted to take her into my arms and kiss her and tell her to forget Luke.
“Lara, just tell me. After all this, I really want to know,” I muttered, feeling frustrated.
“So sincere, Parker.” Mila rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’m going to get another bottle of wine. Does anyone want anything?”
“Some chips and dip,” I hollered. “And some beers. I don’t want wine.”
“How am I supposed to carry wine, beer, chips, and dip?” Mila looked at me. “Do you see a third and fourth arm connected to my body?”
“I wouldn’t be shocked, since you are deformed looking.” I laughed at Mila’s glare. “But no, you can do what all regular humans do in these situations.”
