“I don’t know,” he said as his fingers pinched my nipples a little harder and I cried out in pleasure and pain. “What should you do?” He leaned forward and took my right nipple into his mouth, nibbling and tugging with his teeth, so that all of my body was on fire and I could feel my panties growing wet.
“Parker,” I moaned as I felt his fingers slipping into my panties and rubbing me again, only this time the feeling of his skin on mine was driving me even more crazy.
“Yes, Lara.” His voice was deep and rough.
“I think I want you inside of me, right now.” I moaned, not able to stop myself.
“Tell me again.” He grunted, his hands moving faster.
“Parker.” I let out a gasp as he pulled down my panties and fell back onto the couch, straddling me on his legs, so that I could feel his hardness right against my sweet spot.
“Take it, if you want it,” he said, challenging me, a small smirk on his face as his hands moved to my ass and grabbed my ass cheeks, moving me up and down on his hardness, so that I was grinding against him.
“Parker, please.” I leaned forward and kissed the top of his chest and then bit down into his skin. He froze for a second at my bite and then started moving me even faster on him. I smiled as I felt him reach down and readjust himself against me. He was going to enter me and I was ready. Only, I didn’t feel him thrusting inside of me. Instead, I felt the tip of him rubbing against me and I groaned.
“If you want it, come and get it,” he whispered in my ear, and I looked up at him with a small smile before reaching down and slowly moving my body on top of him. I sat on his hardness then, easing him inside of me, and we both gasped with pleasure as I started moving back and forth, allowing and encouraging all of him deeper inside of me. I moved slowly at first, wanting to enjoy the feel of every inch of him, but Parker wasn’t having that. I felt his hands on my hips as he bounced me up and down on him, and my breasts bounced back and forth against his chest as I rode him. I felt myself about to come when he suddenly stilled.
“Hold on.” He groaned into my hair as he ran his hands down my back and then he moved me back and forth again quickly, groaning into my ear as I came against him, my body convulsing. “Oh, shit,” he grunted as he lifted me off of him and pushed me back onto the couch. I felt his hardness on my stomach as he withdrew and the warm liquid of his pleasure splattered onto me.
“Sorry,” he said as he grabbed his T-shirt from the floor and cleaned me up. “I thought that was better than inside of you.”
“It was.” I nodded and pulled him down on top of me. “But maybe we should remember protection next time.”
“Maybe we should get you on birth control,” he said with a small smile as he kissed me hard. “That way I can come inside of you and we don’t have to worry about it.”
“Well, you can come inside of me in a condom as well,” I said, kissing him back, not believing we were having this conversation.
“That’s not really inside of you. That’s inside rubber,” he whispered against my lips. “I want to be inside of you.”
“Parker,” I groaned as I felt his fingers rubbing me again. “You cannot be ready to go again? Can you?”
“That’s a silly question.” He laughed against my lips. “I told you I want to fuck you until you can’t think about anything or anyone else, and that’s what I’m going to do.” He nibbled on my earlobe and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I could feel my body responding to him again, eager to be taken, but there was a voice inside of me that wasn’t completely happy. There was a voice inside of me that was telling me that maybe I’d made a mistake. I’d come back to Parker’s place because I’d thought he’d been jealous. And because he’d said he liked me. And he’d missed me. And I thought perhaps his wanting to sleep with me meant something more. But what if all it was, was sex? What if that was all he really cared about? How many times was he going to tell me he wanted to fuck me? Was he ever going to be able to see past that? I could feel a piece of my heart aching as I felt him growing hard against me again. I loved being with him. Loved how he made me feel. Loved making love to him, but I wanted and needed more than this. Only a few weeks ago, I’d vowed to myself that I was going to move on from Parker. I’d vowed I wasn’t going to succumb to his smiles and sweet talk. I’d vowed that I needed to get over him, but here I was, under him. Onceagain, I’d fallen victim to his spell and I wasn’t sure if I’d made a huge mistake or not.
I layin Parker’s bed, feeling slightly sleepy, slightly empowered, and totally confused. I wasn’t sure what to think or feel, and I also knew that now wasn’t the time to try and have a conversation with Parker about what was going on between us. I closed my eyes and sighed to myself. I was in both the best and worst position of my life. I was finally close to Parker in an intimate way, and yet I was also far away from the actual relationship I wanted with him. I didn’t even understand why he wasn’t interested in a real relationship. It didn’t really make sense to me, but I didn’t really want to ask.
I closed my eyes and pulled the sheets up to my face and just lay there, enjoying my time alone in his bed, not thinking about what he was doing for once in my life. I knew what he was doing. He was downstairs watching football in his living room, allowing me to sleep because he’d worn me out. I sighed to myself as I realized that I’d rather he’d have stayed upstairs and cuddled me and talked about where our relationship was going, but I knew that was way too much to ask.
I grabbed my handbag and pulled my phone out and was surprised to see that I had a missed message from Luke. I immediately felt guilty at seeing his name on the screen. Not that I had any real reason to feel guilty. We weren’t dating. I wasn’t cheating on him. In fact, he’d been the one to leave me feeling confused. I opened the messages and read them quickly. My heart started pounding as I read them and I put my phone down on the bed quickly before reading them again.
“Hey Lara, I want to apologize for the other night and leaving so abruptly. I know you might be confused and I know I still owe you ice cream. I want to explain myself and I don’t want you to think I’m crazy. I really like you, yes, I know this is early to say this. I really feel a strong connection to you and the other night I had an overwhelming urge to kiss you and touch you. I left because I didn’t want you to think I was all about sex. I didn’t want to be that guy who can’t keep his hands off you. And I didn’t know how to explain that without seeming like a weirdo. I’d really like to see where this goes. I know this is a really long text and I’d love to be able to see you and talk it all out in person, if you have time and still want to see me. Let me know!”
I stared at my phone screen and I could feel my stomach churning. I bit down on my lower lip as I read his text yet another time. I was confused at the happy thoughts going through my head. I was happy that Luke had texted me and at what he’d said. A part of me was really happy, really excited. He had said all the words I’d wanted to hear from a guy. He valued and liked me. And he respected me enough to not just be all about my body.Unlike Parkerflashed through my mind. Parker was all about the sex. He didn’t seem to care that it was making a complicated situation even more complicated. He didn’t care that we had this weird connection that we weren’t really getting to the bottom of. Yeah, he’d said he liked me, but that was like the weakest thing he could have said in the situation. What did him liking me really mean? It was almost as if he’d said it just to get me into bed. Once I’d said yes, all other talk had been off the table.
I wanted to bang my head against a wall. I was so confused and frustrated with myself. And now I was even starting to doubt my feelings for Parker. If I loved him so much, how could I be so happy at Luke’s text? How could I be feeling that maybe Ishould give Luke another chance? How could I be wondering if sleeping with Parker again had been the biggest mistake of my life? I knew that l loved him. I loved him so much that my heart hurt just thinking about not being with him, but I also knew that I liked Luke. Like,reallyliked him. I was attracted to him. He made me laugh. He made me smile. When I was with him, I rarely thought of Parker. A part of me knew that I could be happy with Luke. A part of me wondered if I could even love him if I let go of Parker, and that scared the shit out of the other part of me. I’d always lived my life with the philosophy that people had one true love, but if Parker wasn’t the one, then maybe that wasn’t true. I also knew that if I wanted to move on with Luke, I’d have to cut Parker off completely. I’d have to have him out of my life. I couldn’t move on from him if I saw him and talked to him. I couldn’t let go of him if I still had him in my soul. And the thought of never seeing him, not talking to him, never touching him again scared the shit out of me. It made me feel like I wanted to die. But the possibility of losing him, but gaining the opportunity to fly, always beckoned too brightly.
I didn’t even know how to respond to Luke. I knew my response would signal something to him and I wasn’t sure it was fair to make him believe I wanted the same thing if I was still committed to Parker. Also, I didn’t know if it was right to enter a relationship with him to get over someone else? It all seemed so murky and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I liked him too much.
“Hey, you’re up.” Parker walked into the room and I jumped up in surprise as I hadn’t even noticed him coming. I hadn’t even heard him. My heart thudded in the way it always did when I saw him, unable to stop the love from flowing. I couldn’t stop myself from lighting up.
“Yeah, how was the game?” I asked him softly, pushing my phone under my back.
“Still on, not sure who’s going to win, so that’s always a good game.”
“Oh, cool.” I nodded, not really sure what to say. I felt tongue-tied. And awkward.
“Not really.” He smiled and walked to the bed. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m okay, thanks.” I shook my head.
