"Éeh,yes. We were to marry as soon as she turned of age, and she had recently come into marriageable age. She was in our camp when it happened because she had come to visit my mother in preparation of our marriage."
"I see. Did you love her?" Sharon asked with signs. "Or, had your own and her parents arranged the marriage?"
Strikes Fast hesitated a moment. But, at last, he signed, "I loved her deeply. She loved me, too. And, although girls often marry a man their father likes, we loved one another."
So sad was his story, so horrendous his loss, Sharon was on the verge of crying, but she kept back her tears, fearful it might cause him to say no more. But, to have lost so much at such a young age…
Later, she would shed her tears for what this man had endured, but not now.
She asked with sign, "Do you know why the Pikuni raided your people with such a vengeance?"
"I do not. But, it is to be assumed they came to seek revenge upon us because their relatives had been killed by us, and, in the same way, it is probable we had killed their relatives, causing them to kill ours. We kill them; they kill us. And, so it goes. Many of their boys, and ours, never reach the age of thirty snows because of the constant warring between our tribes. I grew up knowing I might never become an old man. Always in my village, there were women crying and moaning over of the loss of their men. I have come to learn now, because I have lived with my enemies for these last five years, it is the same in the Pikuni camp. But, I didn't consider their reasons for the raid then. I only knew I had to avenge my family's deaths and their honor by taking the lives of those warriors who had done it."
"Yes," Sharon said with sign. "My husband, I do understand why you went to war against your enemies. What I do not understand is why you feel I might leave you because of this. After all, war is terrible. It takes many lives and leaves those left behind to struggle along without their loved ones. And yet, I know of no country or tribe that does not go to war."
Strikes Fast sighed and looked away from her, and, because she was sitting facing him, she could see his breast rise and fall many times. He didn't speak, nor did he sign any words. The silence, however, went on and on, and, after perhaps ten minutes or more had passed without any conversation, Sharon said, "I will always love you regardless of what you did." She then signed her words.
"But, you do not know all of it yet," he responded. "Wait for the rest before you promise yourself to me. I fear that, after you discover who I truly am, you might not like to keep a vow that binds you. I would understand this. And now, I will tell you my deepest regret."
She nodded, and, silently, she waited.
More time elapsed until at last he signed, "You should know who I was before this happened so you can understand the seriousness of what I did."
Again she nodded.
"When I was eleven snows old, a kindly old medicine man noticed I could perform many acts considered unusual. I could see the future with clarity; I could look far into the environment around us and know exactly what was happening. I knew what was being said between people even when I wasn't there. One day he observed, while I was playing a game of ball with the other boys, that I would push a ball around with my mind and not with my foot. Where I commanded it to go, it went, and what I intended it to do, it did. I am told he watched me closely before he approached my father to ask for his permission to take me aside and train me to be a medicine man."
"And, did your father say yes?" she asked with signs.
"He did, but I had to agree to do it. A boy so asked must consent because the way of a medicine man is known to be a hard path to follow—a difficult life to lead. He did not wish to train a boy who might leave the good road."
"And, so you agreed?"
"I did. This is what makes what I did worse than it might have been had another been faced with what I lost. I knew what I was doing was wrong even when I was doing it because I had committed myself to the good road. At the time, I didn't care."
"But, one can see why you did what you did."
Again he became silent, and Sharon waited, wondering if she had uttered something he did not care to hear.
At length, however, he continued and signed, "Weasel Fighter, the old medicine man, counseled with me about what I intended doing. He cautioned me about seeking revenge when I was already walking the medicine path. But, when he saw I would avenge my loved ones' deaths, he advised me to seek out only those who had committed the murders and challenge them to a fair fight."
"And, did you?" she asked.
"I did not. I threw away his teachings and ignored his guidance. I thought I knew better than he and went on to kill any Pikuni I could find, and always in the back of my mind was the knowledge I, too, might be killed. But, I didn't care. I think now that I would have welcomed death. In this way, at least I would have been with my loved ones. For two years, I killed any people of the Pikuni tribe I could find. And, now I shall tell you the worst of my acts against others: I killed women, children—boys and girls—as well as warriors. I was without mercy or empathy, and I acted as though I were no longer human, because it is humanity for other people that makes one human, and this had died within me."
"Oh dear," she said aloud before she signed, "How many women and children—the innocent—did you kill?"
"Seven. Three of them were women and one was a boy and one a girl. One of the women was pregnant, so I killed the baby she was carrying, also; there were seven in all if one includes the baby. To this day, I have nightmares about them. I still see their faces. Indeed, I am haunted by their ghosts. But, I am also haunted by my relatives."
"By your relatives? Why?"
"They feel I have not done enough to properly avenge their deaths. But, there is another part of the story I must say to you, and this is perhaps the gravest and the most difficult for me to tell, because I would like your favor and I fear you will desert me when I tell you the very worst of my character."
"I understand," Sharon signed. "Yet, it will not happen. There is no single man or woman upon this earth who is perfect. And, I have seen the best of you, and I love you as I have come to know you. Besides, if a man can change for the worse, he can certainly change for the better, also."
Again Strikes Fast didn't speak for several minutes. At length, however, he continued and signed, "Although I understand what you say, I must ensure you know I will not expect, nor will I force you to remain married to me after I say this last."
Sharon nodded, knowing it didn't matter what he said; always she would love him.
