“Yeah,” Simone answers. “Tyler still has his midterms for a couple more days, and then he’s coming to visit, so I need some girl time before then.”
“Same. I mean…without the Tyler part,” I say, laughing. “Just the needing girl time part.”
Both Lani and Simone laughtoo.
“Okay, cool. We can all get ready together and leave from here? My brother said he’s meeting me there…because apparently I need a babysitter or whatever.”
“Sounds good.”
We all throw on the most comfortable clothes we have, none of us caring to try to look cute, just to be stuck in a room all day testing. As we all go to walk out together, I let both Lani and Simone walk out of the door before I turn around and go back in, telling them I need to grab my phone. I quickly lean down beside my bed and slip my hand under the mattress, finding the bag and tucking it into the front pocket of my hoodie.
We walk across campus together, stopping at a coffee shop near our classes. I grab a decaf coffee, hoping they don’t notice. I don’t really like the jittery feeling I get when drinking caffeine and taking Adderall at the same time.
We all hug and say goodbye as we walk in different directions to our classes. When I’m in my building, I head upstairs, stopping at the bathroom before heading in. I slip into one of the stalls and put my coffee on top of the toilet paper dispenser. I take the bag and shake out one of the blue pills, popping it into my mouth and then swallowing it down with a sip of my lukewarm coffee. I flush the toilet to seem normal and head out of the stall, washing my hands at the sink and rubbing them against my sweatpants as I walk out. Thankfully, it kicks in pretty quickly, usually within like thirty minutes or so, which ended up being perfect timing for when we start testing.
I’m relieved when I finally finish, almost two hours later. Not my best work, but I think I at least passed. I’ll take that.
* * *
Lani is playingDJ in our dorm as we’re all getting ready. S.L.U.T. by Bea Miller plays through the Bluetooth speaker, and before I can register what’s actually playing, it pulls me back to a time I really wish I could fucking forget. You know how you can hear a song and your brain associates it with a place or time or feeling? It can make you physically feel like you’re back in whatever memory it holds. I know I’m in our dorm room right now, but I’m standing in the parking lot of Ardrey Kell High School, staring at a boy who’s asking me to prom. A boy who kept breaking me and then promising to fix me back up, over and over and over again…until he was so broken himself that he knew the only way to make sure I never let go of him was to leave me with the most permanent and fucked up scar he could manage to give me.
“Lyd!” Simone shouts, and it snaps me back into the moment.
I look down at her sitting on the floor in front of the mirror, staring at me.
“Huh?”
“Are you okay? You looked like you spaced out for a second.”
I clear my throat, still trying to shake the memories. “Uh, yeah, was just…thinking about something, that’s all. What did you say?”
She studies me for a second before accepting that half-truth. “I said, do you know what you’re wearing?”
“Actually…no. I don’t. I was just gonna wing it, but…I mean, if you would like to—”
“Oh my gosh! Yes!” Simone squeals, jumping up from the floor.
Lani shakes her head, laughing at Simone.
“Nothing too crazy or…frilly,” I tell her, scrunching my nose up.
“Shh! Let me work my magic,” she tells me, already going through the dresses she has hanging up on a rack in the middle of the room.
She pulls out a tiny red mini dress with thin straps.
“I…don’t know, Simone—”
“Just try it on, Lyd! Give it a chance.”
Once I’m in the dress, I walk over to the mirror with both Lani and Simone standing behind me.
“Wow,” Lani whispers.
“That bad?” I ask, staring at myself, smoothing down the dress as if that will make me more comfortable in it.
“Bad?” Lani asks, like that was the dumbest question. “Lyd, you really don’t show off how hot you are enough. If I had this body, I would never wear the baggy shit you wear most of the time.”
I roll my eyes. “Excuse me, I wear dresses all the time.”
