We all laugh in agreement.
“Could Erik handle you?” I tease.
Lani rolls her eyes. “No, he couldn’t. That was the problem, I guess.”
“Ugh, just tell us what happened already?” Simone whines.
Lani sighs. “Just old history that I don’t care to dig back up. That’s all I’m saying about it,” she cuts off, waving a hand at us.
I shake my head, smiling. “Ugh, I love a second-chance romance plot.”
“Not happening,” Lani says.
“I guess we’ll just have to put a bet down,” Simone says.
Lani turns to her. “Okay, fine, and I’ll put my bet down for how long until you finally fold and get with Mason then.”
Simone almost chokes on her drink. “He’s been my friend since last year. It isn’t like that.”
“If you insist,” I tease.
“Are we all just blind and in denial?” Lani says, and we all laugh.
I forget how much of a safe space Lani and Simone are for me until I’m with them. When I’m with them, it almost calms me enough to sort through some of the feelings I have without losing myself in them. I don’t know what Bash is to me, a stranger still…right? Doesn’t feel that way, but that’s all itcanbe. Just two people in passing. He probably doesn’t look at me as anything more than someone he helped out a couple of times in pretty fucked up situations. This is my healing era. I’m not even in a position to think about real relationships, or if they’re something I want. I feel like they would just push me back at this point. They come with too many emotions, too much pain, and too much of a distraction from my goals.
What are my goals? That’s what I really need to be focusing on.
We spend the rest of the night hanging out with Simone and some of her sorority sisters at the Gamma house, a bunch of other girls filtering through the house in passing. We play a couple of rounds of Cards Against Humanity, with the raunchiest expansion packs, of course, and spend most of the time laughing and talking about school, boys, all the football games and events coming up, sprinkling in any juicy drama on campus.
I’m still learning what nights look like when they aren’t full of parties and getting high, but nights like this remind me it’s a lot more fun to just be with people I like, and actually be able to remember it the next day. I also have to remind myself of that on the nights thataren’tas fun.
62
Lydia
The library is quiet but chaotic with a bunch of students everywhere. We’re meeting up on the second floor, back corner, where all the booths are that people normally fight over on a packed Saturday around here.
I see that Pali has already claimed one for us, sitting there guarding it with her huge tote bag that’s filled to the brim with way too many supplies for a psych project. Jaden walks over and slides in next to her. I walk up and say hey to both of them before dropping into the booth on the other side of Pali, pulling out my laptop. Bash shows up with a Red Bull and a notebook that hastabsin it and lookswaytoo organized for a college boy. He slides in beside me at the end, greeting everyone before turning to me and saying ‘Hey’in that lingering way that felt like he was saving me for last and wanted to give me more of his attention.
I can’t help the traitorous blush I can feel creeping onto my cheeks.
We get down to project business pretty quickly. Pali makes the Google Form, Jaden drafts the outline of our plan, Bash works on the pitch, and I start drafting our poster on my laptop.
We plug it allin—who’s doing what. My job is to also write the midday text to everyone. I stare at the blinking cursor and try not to write something that sounds like a lecture. Don’t be a scold. Don’t be a dare. Just talk like a person. I start typing:
If you missed yesterday, you’re still in the club. Try today. Two cups. Ten minutes. You can even walk while listening to that one song you loved in middle school. (Yes, that one.)
Jaden reads it and laughs. “That’s evil. Now I’m going to be outside crying to Paramore.”
“Good,” Pali says, smiling at him. “Crying is hydrating.”
When the bones are all in place, the conversation loosens. We slump a little, peeling back from the formal task-doing into the mess of just being regular college kids.
“So,” Pali says, cracking her knuckles, “what are your majors and how did you get tricked into this class?”
“Psych,” Bash says. “Senior. I like this stuff because it feels like actual life. Think I want to get into the therapy side of it mostly.”
“Same,” Jaden says. “Psych, too. Junior. Don’t know what I wanna do with it yet. Also, I heard Dr. Helms doesn’t tank your grade if you’re a normal person and aren’t always the picture-perfect student.”
