* * *
I keep looking at the clock, feeling like I’ve checked it every ten minutes. It’s been almostfour hourssince Eli left the room. It was already late when he left. Where could he have gone for that long? I’ve tried to call, and it just goes straight to voicemail each time. My mind is spiraling. Is he okay? Did something happen? Is he with someone? I can’t help where the thoughts go, and they don’t stop until I hear the key card being swiped and the hotel door opened. Eli walks in, kicking off his shoes, and tosses his keys by the tiny kitchen area. He walks straight into the bathroom without saying anything to me, and it pisses me off even more. I stand up and walk over, shoving the door open.
“Are you serious right now?”
“What, Lydia?” he says, slurring a little.
I pause. “Were you drinking?”
“Yeah…a little bit.”
“How would you be able to drink, Eli? You’re eighteen. Where did you go?”
“I grabbed food from the pier and started talking to a group of people that ended up buying me some beer…chill.”
“Chill?” I say louder now. “Are you kidding me? You leave forhours! Your phone is off. I don’t know if you’re even alive…and you come backdrunk?”
“You didn’t want me around, Lydia! Why do you care now? This trip was supposed to be fun. Get us away from all the problems…but you just had to bring them here too and ruin it.”
“I’m not bringing anything anywhere! It’s just been hard!” I yell.
“What’s been hard? Not being such a bitch all the time?”
I physically recoil at his words. I feel like I was just slapped in the face. I don’t even register when I reach out andactuallyslap him
Everything happens so quickly. One minute I’m standing there about to tell him the real reason I’ve been upset; the next minute I’m holding my shoulder from the pain of being shoved so hard into the wall that it feels dislocated. I fall to the floor instantly and cover my face when Eli stands over me, bracing for whatever he’s about to do. The way my stomach drops, and my heart is racing, I know the panic is taking over, forcing me into fight or flight.
Eli doesn’t hit me, doesn’t yell, doesn’t do anything. He just bends down and holds my arms. I force myself to look at him through the tears, and I see the panic onhisface too. But it’s not the same as mine.
“Lydia—”
I shake my head, still crying, but he continues. “Why did you hit me? Why did you make me do that? Are you okay?”
I’m too wrapped up in my own pain that I forgot I even slapped him.
Why did I do that?
“You’ve never called me that before.” It comes out quiet, and I hate how weak I sound. I don’t recognize the boy I love standing in front of me…and I don’t even recognize myself at this point.
Eli grabs my face, and I flinch at his touch. I can see how much that hurts him.
“I’ve been drinking…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you that.”
“Youpushedme, Eli.”
“Lydia…I…I was just reacting to you slapping me. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was just instinct.”
“This isn’t normal, Eli. People who love each other don’t physically hurt each other.”
“It reallywasan accident,” he tells me in a pleading voice.
“I’m sorry for slapping you,” I manage to get out.
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have called you that. I—I just don’t understand why you’ve been acting like this the whole trip.”
I look down at the floor, avoiding his stare. “Today is the day Camilla…died…”
“Lydia—what? I didn’t know. Why didn’t you say anything?”
