I shrug. “Not good…”
She nods sympathetically. “Well, they checked you out. You have a mild concussion, but nothing too concerning. I know you’re in pain, though, so we’re gonna get you back home soon.”
After getting discharged, Mark holds me up, and we walk out of the emergency room entrance where their car is parked. Sarah tells me Mark is driving me back tothe house while she drives my car home. I let Mark guide me inside his car and then lie across the back as he gets into the driver’s seat.
He drives in silence at first before finally speaking. “Those girls told them that you were the one who started the fight. That you went crazy after they asked you a question about Elijah, and you tried to attack them, so they fought back.”
I try to sit up but wince at the pain in my ribs. “No…that’s not true—”
“I know, Lydia,” he says calmly. “That’s why you aren’t being suspended. I told them we would sue the shit out of them if they tried.”
I’ve never heard Mark curse before. I would probably laugh if this situation weren’t so fucked up.
“Thank you,” I say softly.
At home, Sarah offers me food, water, help, anything she can, but I wave her away, retreating into my room. I can’t take being around anyone right now.
Alone, I collapse onto my bed, my body throbbing, mind spinning. I was stupid to think things would get better, naive to think I’d be allowed to move on.
Maybe Iamthe villain. Maybe I always will be to everyone, no matter what.
I glance down at my phone, the screen lighting up with a message from Simone.
Simone: I’m so proud of you for facing today. I promise you’ve got this
What a fucking lie. I don’t have a damn thing…
I don’t want any of it if I did.
What’s the point of going through life always feeling so broken, always hating who you see in the mirror, always wondering what’s so wrong with you that makes everyone else hate what they see when they look at you? I’m so tired of always having tojust push throughandfake itanother day.
I’m so…fucking…tired.
28
Lydia
There’s something crushingly heavy about waking up lately, like every morning is just another reminder that my life is real, that none of this is a dream. That everythingdidhappen. And it all happened to me.
I wish it were all a dream.
I roll onto my side and stare at my phone, lifeless and dark on my bedside table. I reach for it and turn it on. Simone’s name takes over the screen. Messages and missed calls, one after another. I exhale, scanning the notifications.
Simone-16 missed calls
Simone: You never called me after school?
Simone: Are you ok?
Simone: Earth to Lydia
Simone: OMG, I heard about what happened. Are you okay???
Simone: I’m coming over after school tomorrow to check on you. I don’t like not hearing from you
Simone: Just let me know you’ve got a pulse please
Simone: I love you. You know I’m always here for you
