Simone’s mom wipes under her eyes. “You’ve always been like a second daughter to me, Lydia,” she says. “You were the sister I couldn’t give Simone. Don’t you dare think there aren’t people here who love you, who show up for you. None of us are ever going anywhere.”
It’s all a little overwhelming, honestly, as I look at all of them. Atmyfamily. I think about twelve-year-old me and what she would do if she walked into this restaurant right now and saw this girl sitting here with a stamped piece of paper and a family saying words like forever out loud and meaning them. I think she’d sit down beside me. I think she’d be shocked. I think she’d hug me and cry into my shirt and ask if it was all real, and I would tell her yes, it is, it really is. She’d probably be scared, but that’s okay. I’d tell her I am too, that I don’t normally trust good things in my life. I never have. But maybe this is different.
The waiter sets our plates down, and the moment reshapes itself around steak, grilled chicken, and pasta with too much cheese. We eat like normal people, and being normal for an hour is a luxury in itself for me. I don’t want to think about the fears that are loud in my head, the trauma that fights to tell me this isn’t real. I just want to enjoy…this.
33
Lydia
We leave for college tomorrow, and since we’re all making it one big road trip, I’m staying with Simone tonight and riding with her family while Sarah and Mark follow with Huxley.
“Go to bed, girls!” Simone’s mom yells from down the hall. “We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, and it’s almost 1 AM! Get some sleep! If you try to sleep the whole trip, Iwillforce you to take turns driving!”
I grab onto Simone to steady myself, and we both burst out laughing.
“Yes ma’am!” we yell back through the tears of laughter.
We’ve been up for the last couple of hours talking about everything under the sun. We got on the topic of how we wanted to decorate our dorm and making a vision board, and somehow ended up down a rabbit hole of insane college videos online after trying to find new inspo. We haven’t been able to stop laughing, and apparently have been a little too loud. It feels good to be carefree for a change—I feel good. I’ve felt good for weeks now. I feel like a new person. Like I’ve stepped out of my old skin and can finally breathe and smile like it’s not so foreign anymore. Even when the darker thoughts slip in, whenthe anxiety gets loud, or when the nightmares still happen…I’m able to not get stuck in them. They’re not controlling me like they used to.
* * *
Simone’s fingers glide through my hair, gently pulling sections to form two French braids as I lie in her lap. I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the way it feels and trying to stay in this happy state that feels foreign.
“So,” I start, keeping my eyes closed on her lap. “When’s Tyler coming out to Texas? No way you make it more than a week without breaking down and wanting to see him.”
Simone tugs on my braid a little, and we both laugh. “Hush! He said he’ll probably make a weekend trip once he’s settled into his dorm and stuff. And, you know, whenever basketball isn’t completely taking over his life.”
Mrs. Edwards chuckles from the driver’s seat as she glances at us through the rearview mirror. “I should have told him to take this road trip with us so he could be the one to unload y’all’s ungodly amount of luggage.”
Simone groans dramatically. “Mom, please. He doesn’t need your encouragement for bad academic behavior. He already wanted to come, and I told him I wasn’t letting him miss his training camp. It’s his freshman year. He has to make a good impression.”
“I remember those days,” her mom coos playfully. “You think the world will end if you’re apart for more than a few days.”
“Hey!” Simone protests. “We’re not that bad.”
“Yes, you absolutely are,” I say teasingly, sitting up slightly. “But it’s okay—I’m your love story’s number one fan.”
She rolls her eyes again, laughing. “Thanks, Lydia, but you’re supposed to be on my side here.”
Her dad smirks, looking back over his shoulder. “They just like giving you a hard time, Sim.”
Simone throws her head back dramatically, “You all just wait until you’re wondering why you didn’t get a wedding invitation one day.”
We all start laughing.
It all feels so easy. I truly never thought I’d feel like this again after everything. I want things to always feel this light and easy. I’m tired of being dragged into the dark. It’s a lot nicer up here on the surface.
We finally pull into a small rest stop somewhere in Alabama, and all tumble out of the car, stretching our cramped legs. I see Sarah and Mark pull up and get out with Huxley. He’s getting so big, so fast. I feel like I’m going to miss a lot of important years away from him at college. I actuallywantto be that sister figure for him…like Camilla was for me.
Simone and I sprint inside, laughing uncontrollably as we make a beeline for the snacks, pushing each other and probably being annoying to everyone around. Simone grabs her favorites—Hot Cheetos, peanut M&M’s, sour gummy worms, and a giant blue slushy. I wander up and down the aisle before grabbing some chips and a soda, smiling at how simple and easy everything feels right now.
Back in the car, Simone’s parents swap seats, Mr. Edwards taking over driving duties. Simone leans forward slightly, resting her chin on the passenger seat. “Dad, how much longer till we stop for the night?”
“Probably about three more hours. We’ve got a hotel booked just outside of Jackson, Mississippi,” he says, yawning.
Simone settles back. “Alright! Mississippi here we come!”
I lean my head back against the seat, watching the scenery blur past. My stomach flutters with nerves, excitement, and something that feels like pure disbelief.This is really happening.I’m really leaving behind the only place I’ve ever known.
