He opened his mouth, then shut it, as if reconsidering his words. “If you’re threatened, I will need to protect you. My instincts demand it.”
So sharing a room like this wasn’t his choice. It was something he was forced to do, the same way he had to take me on this journey. A journey he still hadn’t explained the purpose of.
“A cage,” I murmured. That’s what this bond was.
“I don’t aspire to be another cage for you,” he said softly.
“But I’m a cage for you,” I whispered, only half-aware I’d said it because I saw his reaction. He had no idea how true it was, though—not only was I bound to him as his fledgling, but I was the witch he’d vowed to hunt and kill.
The witch who, for the good of my homeland, had to bring him and all vampires to heel. Only that noble purpose felt so murky now, like there was no room for it in my head when Raphael filled it with other thoughts.
I needed to get this over with before my body collapsed. I reached for a pillow, to go where it was safe… I tucked the lumpy thing into my chest. But when I rose to my feet, the beginning licks of light curled through the room, and I swayed.
Before I could fall, Raphael gathered me in his arms. He pulled me tight against him and knelt down. The sound of fabric, ripped from the bed, was fuzzy in my ears. His bare chest was inches from my face, the whisper of cedar and night touching the edge of my senses. As my eyes shut, unable to fight against the day any longer, something in me whisperedsafe.
“Rest, Samara.” His words were hazy as my mind began to drift. “If any trouble comes, we can kill it together.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Samara
After another fortnight oftravel, we were nearly at Limanos. For added protection, I was relegated to the tiny carriage.
I peered out the window and gave Larissa a small wave. She held no grudge for the incident in the stable, and I’d gotten closer with her and the other guards on the journey. But in the back of my mind, I constantly worried about what might set off those rages that weren’t my own. The longer it had been since I’d touched the grimoire, now hundreds of miles away, the easier it became to separate my thoughts from its influence. But that didn’t mean I was infallible. It had left me stressed, to say the least.
The night breeze had a hint of salt on it. Were we truly by the sea? Around us, the forest had given way to grasslands. The road was wide and worn, a well-traveled route.
I tried to focus on that instead of the scent of cedar that managed to fill the tight space. The scent that made my fangs ache.
Because Raphael was in the carriage with me: another layer of protection as we approached the kingdom. He was worried about something, in that hidden, guarded way of his, though he hadn’t said anything specific.
Why was I always so damned thirsty around him? The thirst was an ever-present ache, like an old wound I’d come to accept. When I was on my own, blood was an unappealing necessity that I forced down. But with him so close, heretical images came to mind: my fangs in his throat, his blood running down my fingers while I licked them off.
I ground my teeth and peeked sidelong at him. He leaned back, arms spread over the cushions on either side—so unlike me, who felt the need to tuck myself into the corner even when I’d had the carriage to myself for several days.
Of course, if I tried to spread out the same, my leg would press into his. There wasn’t exactly a lot of space.
The back of my throat itched. My tongue pushed against my fangs, as if that might ease the ache. I swallowed emptiness.
“Something the matter?” he asked.
Yes. I was feeling less well by the minute. But asking for more blood would require stopping, and that wasn’t an option this close to the city. I’d gone through our reserves quicker than expected. Plus, we’d been slower for traveling with me learning to ride and Alphonse in our party. Because of that, I’d finished the last of the bottled blood before we got on the road. The others had been hunting for themselves for days.
“Tell me more about the festival,” I said instead. “And the city. I’ve never been to a port.” Until I’d seen the maps Raphael kept in his office, I hadn’t even been aware of such a thing, when I’d realized the continent was twice as large as I’d ever imagined.
“The Skyflame Celebration brings several species together, marking the start of spring. Limanos hosts the celebration for a fortnight every year, with several spectacles that draw largecrowds. There are balls, entertainers, traders of every sort. They put together a truly spectacular lights show.”
“When’s the last time you went?”
Raphael considered. “Maybe fifty years ago.”
Then why was this one different? It wasn’t the first time he’d evaded the question. He’d been reticent about his motivation, but I was too caught up beating the thirst in my throat into submission to dig deeper.
I needed a distraction. So I asked him question after question, ones he’d be willing to answer about the population, the customs, the people, the distance from Limanos to the borders. He knew the answers to it all. There was so much knowledge inside him. Honed over centuries, certainly, but it was more than that. He excelled at explaining things in a way I could understand, and in a way that didn’t make me feel stupid or ignorant.
But it still didn’t cover up the hunger.
I was almost as thirsty as I’d been back in the cell. I remembered the way it had felt to be around Thea when I’d first turned. The way I’d look at her neck, feeling nothing more than animal instinct, even though she was my friend.
