‘Is that all you got?’ she teased, a smile creeping across her face. ‘Are you sureyouwant it?’
He pulled, and it was urgent now, forceful.
She tightened her arm. ‘Pull me to you, Felix.’
He pulled again, and she gave way one little step. His eyes were locked on hers. Asta’s chest heaved with quickening breaths.
He pulled harder, and her socks slid on the wooden floorboards.
With one final tug, she toppled forward into his arms.
She looked into his eyes. They were dark and deep and full of desire. ‘What does your little magic string tell you?’ He stared at her, waiting for her to say it. ‘Yes, I want this. Yes.’
Without a word, he knelt in front of her and lifted her T-shirt and began kissing the bare skin of her navel, her ribs. He bit at the edge of her brassiere and kissed the valley between her breasts as he raised himself back to standing. Asta couldn’t contain her gasps as he worked his way up her body. He lifted her shirt the rest of the way over her head and was immediately at her neck and mouth with his kisses. His lips were salty and his breath hot.
Asta put her hand under his shirt and traced her fingers over his skin, smooth and taut. She snaked her hands to his sleeves and helped him out of his shirt. They were drawn together, as if the cord was still pulling on them both, though Felix had dropped the magic charge and let the shimmering line fade away.
Somehow, the places where their skin touched felt both cool and hot at the same time. The slide of his body against hers was almost more than Asta could comprehend. Her brain was swimming in the sensation. They kissed, and she thought that this would be her life now– kissing Felix– this was the whole world.
But some treasonous part of Asta’s mind began whispering all her fears to her. What if she couldn’t hold on to her dreams and Felix at the same time? What if she had made a mistake coming here? What if Pikki wasn’t lying?
‘What’s the matter?’ Felix asked, sensing the change in her, the sudden distance between them. Over his shoulder, the window glowed bright with the rich orange light of the fading sun. ‘Did I do something wrong? Tell me what’s good for you.’
Asta squeezed her eyes shut. Please, brain,she pleaded. Not now. Just shut up for one hour. Please!
But it was hopeless.
‘I’m just– I keep thinking about this afternoon. With Pikki. She really got to me.’
Felix pressed his lips together. ‘She won’t say another word, I promise. I’ll take care of it.’
Asta swept her hair forward over her shoulder, suddenly a little self-conscious. She flipped the blonde strands back and forth over her thumb. ‘I am not asking you to “take care of it”. Just tell me she’s—’ Asta lifted her eyes to Felix’s. ‘Sheislying, right?’
He ran a hand up and down Asta’s side, like he was trying to soothe her. The gesture made Asta feel queasy somehow.
‘Tell me it’s not true that. . .’ Asta didn’t want to say it. ‘That I’m only here because your parents. . .’
He should be stopping her, correcting her. He should be telling her that Pikki was a liar and that Asta had gotten into Pillar because she deserved it. But he just stood there, his face flushed, and there was something more than desire reddening his cheeks. He looked guilty, like he was hiding something.
Tears sprang to Asta’s eyes. ‘So, I didn’t—’ She took several halting steps away from him and sank into one of the chairs at the table by the window. ‘Idon’tbelong here.’
‘Asta, no. You do. I always knew you could do it. That’s why I—’
‘Youdid this?’ She felt like she had been cracked open, and everything inside of her was draining away.
Felix stretched his hands out, reaching for her but rooted in place. ‘No. No. Remember? I was going to defer. I told them I wasn’t going without you. Asta, you were there.’
Asta remembered the look of panic on his parents’ faces. ‘No one said anything about a scholarship.’
‘Mom suggested it later,’ Felix said with a weak smile. ‘And it kind of solved everything. I knew you wouldn’t take it if you knew, so we didn’t tell you.’ He looked apologetic, his hands spread open, gesturing aimlessly in front of him. ‘But you deserve it.’
Asta crossed her arms over her bare belly, feeling suddenly very vulnerable and very stupid. ‘I didn’t get in! Theyboughtmy way in.’
‘Who cares? It’s all just politics anyway. This school. This whole sport. It’s so dumb.’
Asta got to her feet and grabbed her shirt off the floor. She yanked it back on, her elbow sticking in the side. Felix reached out to help, but she pulled away from him.
‘Come on, Asta, please. I’m sorry. It’s really not that big a deal.’
