No one knows what happened between Jett and me. It’s not like the breakup is a secret, but they’ve got enough shit to worry about other than my broken-ass heart.
“Wes, sit down and have some breakfast,” Granddad says with a little more force than usual. That tone that says,we’re going to have a little talk.
No talking. I don’t want to. Not yet.
I need to fucking run.
Run, run, run.
The urge to get out there is suddenly so overwhelming that I can hardly breathe.
“I’ll be back.” I push the words out, trying to keep from cracking.
“Wes…”
I ignore him and walk out of the kitchen. In the entryway, I pull on my shoes and head out the door. I’m instantly hit with the cold and the rain. It’s heavy, but it’s not pouring like a storm. I pull on the hood and tighten it, then start my run in a slow jog.
When I reach the beach, the area is dead. There are no people out here at all.Yeah, because they’re smart and you’re not. They’re inside in the warmth, and you’re being a stupid ass to run in this weather.
I ignore my brain and begin my run. I can’t even enjoy the scenery because everything is blurry and fogged over. The weather is a perfect representation of my mood.
It takes forever to find my pace and second wind. To clear my mind. I’m relatively dry, thanks to the waterproof gear, but my feet are soaked and cold. Still, I don’t stop. In fact, I push myself harder. Faster.
I see the cliffs looming ahead as I reach the end, before I have to turn around and head back. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to go back. Not home. Not back to Eugene and my job. Not back to a life without Jett. I just want to run forever. To pull a Forrest Gump.
There’s no stopping or resting. I turn around and head back. If I still feel okay after a while, I’ll keep on going. To push myself farther.
The rain is coming down harder now, and I have to keep wiping my face so I can see. Not even the seals and birds are out in this weather.
The only thing that settles in me is the decision to stop dating for a while. No one can replace him. I don’t want anyone if I can’t have him. I’m fucking tired. Part of me feels like Ifailed him somehow. Every little thing I said and did has been scrutinized to death. It’s going to eat at me for a long time.
I’m definitely not ready to give up on him, but as time ticks by, the less likely it is we’ll get back together. His silence is loud as hell.
Eventually, when I reach Haystack Rock, I stop and pace. I can’t fucking breathe. I’ve overextended myself. Despite my body wanting to gasp for air, I force myself to take deep breaths and let them out slowly. The only good thing about my pain is that I can’t cry. I was fighting it for my entire run. But as my heart calms down and my lungs don’t feel like they’re going to explode, all my shit comes crashing down around me, and I’m sobbing again. I bend over, my hands on my knees, as I let it all out.
God, part of me feels ridiculous. Overreacting. Still, I don’t force myself to stop. Since there’s no one around, I stand straight and scream at the large, looming rock in front of me. It feels kind of good, so I do it again.
When I’m spent and drenched, I head home. I need a hot shower, and I guess now I can sit down with my grandparents and tell them what happened. They’re going to demand it out of me anyway. They may have let me go running and given me the space I needed, but they won’t ever let me hide in my head for long.
I don’t run home, but walk. I’m chilled to the fucking bone, shivering with chattering teeth by the time I reach the house. When I’m three houses down, I stop in my tracks, seeing the lone figure sitting on the porch steps. My heart stops, then starts racing again as if jolted back to life.
Jett.
He came. He’s here.
I can hardly breathe. My eyes water again, and my lip trembles, but for a different reason.
He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t forgive me, right? Would he be so cruel to come all this way from Eugene just to tell me to fuck off? No, I don’t think Jett would be that mean. But is he here to talk and fix things? I have no idea. I can only hope. I choke down that bubbling hope until I can hear his explanation.
As much as I want to run to him and pull him into a kiss, I stop a few feet away. He slowly stands under the roof of the porch and shoves his hands into his jacket pockets.
He frowns, dark circles underneath his swollen eyes. “What are you doing, Wes? Why are you out here?”
I huff with a sudden fiery anger, spreading throughout my chilled body. “That’s it? That’s all you have to fucking say?”
Jett looks down at his feet, and his shoulders sag. “No, that’s… not why I’m here. But we’re not saying a word until you get in this house, dry off, and warm up.”
I brush past him without a word and walk inside the house. I remove my jacket and shoes, and head toward the kitchen and climb up the ladder, ignoring my grandparents.
