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The first moment their eyes had met, as he’d been maintaining his nets, something had happened. Now he knew what it was.
He stood and faced her, vulnerability prickling all over his skin, as if a chill wind had entered the flat. There wasn’t the adrenalin rush he experienced in board meetings, or the ecstatic thrill of landing a good catch, there was only complete emotional exposure. Everything he felt was there for her to see in his eyes—if only she looked.
‘Serena, our baby will never be a mistake. He or she will not grow up laden with guilt as you did, watching your parents quarrel with each other. It will grow up with two loving parents.’
She closed her eyes as she stood before him, as if trying to banish the image of the memories his words provoked. Slowly and with tentative fingers he brushed her hair back from her face. He heard her breath catch and knew she was far from immune to him. It lit the torch of hope and he pushed on.
‘You know what that’s like—I understand now.’ He lifted her chin with his thumb and finger, willing her to open her eyes. ‘Serena...?’
‘That’s why marriage just wouldn’t work,’ she said, in a firm whisper that echoed with a strength he was far from feeling.
‘I know your pain, Serena. I know what it’s like to be a child who constantly waits for its parents to realise it exists, to want to be a family. You don’t trust me, and for that I’m sorry, but I don’t want my child to wonder where I am, why I am never there.’
Her green eyes widened, frantically searching his face, then she shook her head, her shoulders dropping in defeat. ‘I’m sorry, Nikos, I can’t pass on that guilt to my baby. Surely we can love our child even if we are apart?’
‘But we can’t love each other if we are apart.’
He let the words fall between them, staggered by the heavy thump of his heart as the silence grew more intense. He saw her swallow hard, saw the movement of the creamy softness of her throat where he’d kissed her so often.
‘I’ve been a fool, Serena, a stubborn fool—and I’ve hurt you so much. You are my butterfly, but I can’t let you go.’ Inwardly he cursed. Why couldn’t he just tell her he loved her instead of dancing around the issue?
‘It’s too late, Nikos. I tried to love you, hoping it would be enough, but it never will be. You threw my love back at me. Now it’s gone.’
Her fingers closed around his, pulling his hand away from her face, and he looked down at his hand, partly covered by her small one. It couldn’t be too late—it just couldn’t. He wouldn’t accept that. Not now he’d finally opened his heart to love—her love.
As the panic of losing her raced through him she let go of his hand and walked away towards the front door of her flat. She wanted him to go. He followed her to the door, but knew he couldn’t do that until he’d told her. If he didn’t say it now he would have no alternative but to walk away and remain silent for ever.
Her fingers reached for the lock, but he took her hand, holding it tightly in both of his, then took a deep breath as confusion raced across her face. Finally he managed to form the words that could change his life, chase the demons of the past away and bring him happiness.
‘I love you, Serena.’
* * *
Serena heard her breath dragged in as the words she’d longed to hear rushed from his lips. She looked at his face. His blue eyes, usually so vibrant and alive, were subdued, veiled with what looked like pain.
‘No...’ she whispered, and tried to pull her hand free, but he held it firmly.
How could he expect her to believe him now, when he’d proved he would do anything he had to to get what he wanted? She had to remember the deal he’d so coldly laid before her.
‘It’s too late.’
‘Too late?’
His deep voice rumbled around the narrow hallway, his proximity making her light-headed. Why couldn’t he just leave? Then she could crawl into her bed and cry her heart out all night. Tomorrow would be a fresh start, the beginning of her life without Nikos.
‘Too late for what?’
‘Why have you waited until now to tell me?’ She surprised herself with the forthright and businesslike tone of her words and lifted her chin, determined to show a fighting spirit she was far from feeling.
He frowned, and before he could answer she did it for him. ‘Because you will do anything to get what you want. You lied to me once, Nikos, I won’t fall for it again. I don’t love you. I can’t love a man with such a ruthless and closed heart.’
