The next morning—I guessed it was morning because it was lighter in the room—Bex came in to wake me.I was already awake, but I couldn’t move.I felt like I was lying under a boulder, and it was crushing me.I could hardly breathe.I couldn’t get up.I felt like I was looking at the world from the back of my head, and everything was far away.Bex tried to get me up.Then he got his sister, Holly, and they called an Uber, and they had to pick me up to get me into it.They took me to see my therapist, but I couldn’t talk.I just curled up in the chair trying to disappear, staring at the gold ring on my thumb.What was the point of anything?
Oh, Eddie.
Chapter Thirty-Six: In Pieces
On a shitty, gray,miserable day, they let me out of hospital.Bexley came to pick me up.We’d had a January thaw, and everything was wet and messy.
As we were riding in the Uber back to my place, Bex said, “My mom made you a casserole.I put it in your fridge.How are you feeling?”
“Like shit, thanks.”I didn’t want to look at him, so I sat there, twisting my engagement ring around my thumb.
“Ben wants to see you, but I told him to wait until you’re up to it.”
“Yeah.”
We got to my apartment building, and Bex came up with me.
“Got you some groceries,” he said.“You didn’t have anything in your fridge.”
“Thanks.”
The place looked different.I went to the bedroom.The curtains were wide open, but it looked dingy.My fish were all still alive.That was something.
“I was sleeping in your bed while you were gone,” said Bex.“Hope you don’t mind.I washed the sheets.”
“Did he come back while I was away?”
“Who?”said Bex.“Oh.No, he didn’t.”
He was never coming back.I checked my phone.No messages.Just texts Bex and Ben had been sending me for the past ten days.
I found Bex by the front door with his backpack on.“Guess I should leave you to settle in.”He looked at me.
Please don’t leave me too.I didn’t have to say it out loud.He knew.
“You want me to stay?”he said.
