“What?”
“This isn’t going to work.I’m not going to push you.”
“What?”
“This is why Trish and I broke up.I don’t want to go through this again.I’m not quitting acting, and I’ll probably get cast with that guy—Edgar—again, and I can’t promise you there won’t be any sex scenes with him or anyone else.If you can’t handle me being an actor, I need to go.”
He put on his backpack and opened the door.He was really leaving.
“Don’t go,” I said.
He didn’t move.
“I want you to stay,” I said.“I’m not asking you to quit acting or to quit acting with him.Just answer one question for me.”
“What?”
“Do you care about me?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not some experiment for you?Turn the straight guy bi?”
“That’s not why I’m here.”
“Do you even want me that way?”I felt all kinds of weird asking him that.Part of me wanted him to say “no,” and the other part was going to fall apart if he did.
“Yeah,” he said.“So much.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Then why have you been so hands-off with me?Clearly, you don’t have a problem putting your hands on other people.”
“I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”
“What makes you think you know what I want better than I do?”
“You were drunk two nights ago.”
“I’m sober now.”
“You have to tell me what you want.I can’t read your mind.”
“Put your backpack down and hang up your jacket.”
He did.And I started shaking.Because he’d called my bluff.Only I didn’t know if it was a bluff.
I paced up and down, feeling like I was about to explode, while he watched me.
I stopped pacing.All that pent-up energy was making me shake.
“Come here,” I said.
He took a couple steps closer to me, not close enough to touch me.He was waiting for me, so I leaned into his space, hesitated a second, then touched my lips to his, gently.It was the most awkward thing I’d ever done, and that included my first kiss with a girl and every drunken make-out session I’d ever had.I pulled back immediately and rubbed my forehead.
Then I laughed because I felt stupid.“I kissed you.”Great observation, Porter.
