“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”he said.
“I haven’t seen you in days, and I didn’t want to put that on you.It’s my problem, not yours.”
“You can tell me stuff, you know.”
“You have too much on your plate already.I wasn’t going to add to that.Anyway, Ben and Bexley aren’t putting up with Brian’s shit.They’re both looking for another band.Brian and Alan can go fuck themselves.”
“I’m glad you’re not quitting dancing.”
I’d dated enough women and had enough friends outside of dance circles to know how rare it was to find someone who wasn’t a dancer but still respected the artform.
“How’s filming?”I said.
I felt him shrug.
“What time do you have to leave tomorrow?”
“Five,” he said.
“Shit.No wonder I never see you.”
“Just one more week,” he said.
He was falling asleep, and I didn’t want to keep him up, so I set my alarm to vibrate at 4:30 a.m., which, not gonna lie, really hurt.
When the alarm woke me up a few hours later, I eased out of bed so I wouldn’t wake him, and I went to the kitchen and made fried bread so he’d have a hot breakfast, and we could have one meal together.
We hadn’t fooled around in weeks, but I was too tired to do anything but cook, and I barely managed that.I kept losing the spatula.I’d put the bread on a plate when I heard him stumbling around getting his coat off the hook by the door.
I put my head out of the kitchen.“I made you breakfast.”
He came into the kitchen, looking absolutely wrecked and bemused.We ate together, though I was too tired to be very hungry.We were both too tired to do anything but eat, which sucked.When we were done, I left the dishes on the kitchen table, which I wouldn’t normally do, but I didn’t have the energy to wash them.I kissed him goodbye at the door and then fell into bed.Three hours later, I woke up to dirty dishes on the table and the spatula on top of the fridge.
During the day at work, I started aching for him, like physical pain.It got so bad I almost jacked at work.I wanted to text him, begging him to come over if he got any time off during the day.But that was selfish.I knew he used his downtime to catch up on sleep, taking naps in his trailer, and that was the only way he was able to function, because he didn’t get enough sleep at home.I didn’t want to take that from him.But I kept thinking about him all day.Then at two p.m., he texted me,Jack’s being an asshole.
I texted back,Want you right here, right now, honey kid.
He texted me a heart and,want to see you.send me a selfie.
I was alone in my office, so I rolled my chair over to the window and snapped a picture.I noticed my hair was getting long.I hadn’t had time to get it cut.I looked like a sheepdog, but I sent him the photo anyway.I texted him,Now you.
Then I waited.I was shaking, which was stupid.I’d seen him before.Why was I getting so wound up over a photo?
Then it arrived.He was lying on his back in his trailer, one eyebrow cocked at his phone, with his seductive smile and his body out of shot.He sent a text,guess what I’m doing right now thinking about you
When I saw that, I had to get up and pace around the office and bang my head against the wall.I remembered I’d turned down a blow job from him.I couldn’t believe I’d done that.All I could think about was him doing that for me now, and I could not cool myself down.I had to put on a lab coat, or it would have been obvious to everybody.
I realized I hadn’t replied, so I texted,What you do to me.
Which was as articulate as I was capable of being.
He texted me back,can’t wait till we can fuck each other stupid
I texted him a broken heart.I’d never needed anyone so much right then.
I had to get out of the office and start moving, so I went to the kennels and took out our smallest dog, a Jack Russell named Perry Mason.He was too small to take off and drag me anywhere.But all the time I was walking Perry, I kept taking out my phone to look at that photo.
We didn’t see each other that night.I had another gig and came home late, and he came home later.He woke me up when he came to bed, but I was out of it, so all I could do was hold him, and then I was out like a light again.I’d asked him to wake me in the morning when he got up, but he was gone when I woke up.He left a note telling me I needed my sleep.I texted him from work that day to say,I need you more than sleep.
