I want that to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I feel worse. I feel…god, there aren’t even words for this sensation in my chest. I want to hate North, but every time I blink, I feel his touch on me—I taste his lips from that first kiss, I feel my cockexploding in my fucking pants because of his rough, perfect hands.
Why can’t he just be a giant douche and let me go on hating his guts? Why couldn’t he just be the douchebag who laughed at my skinny ribs and scars?
“Sorry,” Rune apologizes again. “I didn’t mean to—ah, shit.” His words are cut off by a buzzing sound, and he pulls his phone out of his pocket. Eyes narrowing on the screen, he reads his message, and then his arms fall to his sides. “I have to go.” His tone is completely flat.
“I’m going to assume it’s the ex?”
Rune’s mouth thins into a tight, angry line. “It’s complicated.” He stands up and looks around, and I can’t help but glance over my shoulder, where I spot Elio under a shady tree with his nose in his little game system.
“Is he okay?” I ask.
Rune’s eyes snap to my face. “My ex?”
“No, no, Elio. I know how it feels when your parents’ relationship is complicated.”
Passing a hand down his face, Rune lets out a small sigh, then nods. “Yeah, he’s okay. My ex isn’t his other parent, so I mostly leave him out of it. He’s been staying with his grandma while I figure it out. But I hate it. I want him home with me, and I know he’s tired of living with his grandparents.”
“What about his mom—?” The look on his face makes me regret asking. It’s not pain. It’s something else. Fatigue, maybe? Like it’s the question everyone has.
“She’s got a government job overseas,” Rune says quietly. “We were best friends, and she agreed to have the baby because I wanted him.” He falls silent, then says, “I don’t want you to think she’s a bad person because she’s not around much. She loves him a lot, and she’s my best friend. And her parents are amazing. Though they are kind of pissed at me right nowbecause, well, all this.” He flops his arms at his sides. “I guess I can be kind of a coward sometimes.”
I don’t think he’s a coward, but I also don’t think he’ll take a compliment right now, especially from a man who doesn’t know him that well.
In the silence, he stands up and pulls his keys out of his pocket. “Anyway, I need to go.”
“If you ever need anything, let me know.” I stand up with him. “I’m basically a loser who has nothing to do with his day, so even if it’s just to hang out and bitch about life, I’m probably going to be free.”
Rune laughs softly. “You’re definitely not a loser, and I might take you up on that soon.” He steps away, then hesitates and turns back. “And hey, please don’t hate North for what he said about you not smiling. He didn’t mean it in a cruel way. I think he was worried that you’re unhappy.”
The sound of his name makes something twist in my chest, then thud like a random heartbeat. “Okay.”
It’s all I can say. I’m not going to tell Rune that even mentioning North sends me off-kilter. That even though we can’t stand each other, I’ve let him closer than anyone in a long, long time.
Rune smiles and nods, then turns and walks off, and I watch as he heads toward his son. Elio doesn’t look happy about having to leave, but he puts his game away, then looks over at me and throws me a wave.
I shoot one back, and moments later, they’re gone, and I’m alone.
The ache of loneliness is starting to get a little too familiar, and I’m beginning to wonder if maybe I should try to do something about it.
Maybe what I said before was wrong. Maybe I didn’t use up my one chance to be happy on Liam.
Maybe there’s something else out there for me.
TEN
LEO
I’ve always hada sensitive stomach, and italwaysacts up when I don’t sleep. My insomnia has been so much worse since the accident, and while my neurologist told me eventually it would get better, he was wrong.
Of course, I don’t think he anticipated the level of stress I’d be under, and it’s not like we talked about what the fuck to do after the guy you hate with a passion pins you down to your bed and strokes your dick like he has something to prove. And then did it again in a storage closet at his work.
Or the fact that while I dislike him, I liked those moments a lot.
More than a lot.
I’ve spent every night thinking about them, replaying every second in my head, wishing I’d kissed him a bit more because it’s weird that I know he likes having his shoulder bitten, but I barely know how his tongue tastes.
I tried to sleep somewhere around four, but by seven, I gave up entirely and searched the house for coffee. But of course, that was the one thing Teddy and I forgot while I was shopping,so now I’m walking to the café down the street because I need some caffeine in my system.
