It wasn’t a mistake for me to hear what happened, not for me.
Chapter 10
Tonight, I don’t welcome Mare’s questions.
“Are you nervous?” Mare asks.
I hum in response. I’m doing a bad job at avoiding Suyai’s eyes. I’m accosted by her penetrating glare every few minutes. Her eyes are narrow slits, squinted as if she could focus enough to see right through me. We haven’t had a single moment to talk alone, but we will tonight.
I don’t know if the weight in my stomach is dread or relief.
“The whole world will know your name after the debut, R. The whole entire world.” I don’t correct Mare. To him, the empire is the whole world. “What are you going to say?”
“What am I going to say when exactly?” I mutter with my mouth full of fire roastedcuy. Blinking my eyes open after closing them to enjoy the first bite, I catch Suyai’s eyes. I’m not subtle when I look away.
“When you’re presented to everyone as the… you know,” his voice falls to a whisper. “As the Guardians’ Hero.”
“Mare, Rei still has time to think about it, so let’s not rush it. Now please, this is the only time I’ll condone you following her lead if it means you’ll follow her example of eating.”
Mare mumbles something under his breath. I don’t hear it, but from Suyai’s eye roll, I’m sure it has something to do with her ruining his fun. Again.
I’m not reacting the way I normally would. I’m not teasing them both. I’m not laughing. I can’t get myself to pretend around them. My guard is too low with the people I call family.
Suyai follows me to the door after I give Mare a forehead kiss goodnight. I step outside, and she closes the door behind us. The night air is cold. Huayratata, God of wind, doesn’t care about my destiny. It’s the Guardians who love and protect the empire, and it is only they who chose me. Not every god tending to our earth is as invested in this one empire as the Inka will have us believe.
But the Guardians are. They have to be.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking,” Suyai says.
“You don’t have to all the time, you know?” I answer.
“No. I don’t.”
It’s silent, save for the shuffling of armed guards settling into place a few feet away from us. I’m hyper-aware of their presence like always.
“You notice our guards yet?” I ask Suyai, but all she does is sigh in return and grab my wrist, pulling me toward my room.
Inside, she doesn’t wait for me to light the candles before she begins to talk. “Tell me right now if you’re going to be honest with me tonight or if I should save my breath.”
I falter as I reach for the alpaca fat stored in the clay vase next to the candles. I can’t have this conversation in the light.
“One more night, Suyai,” I whisper. In the dark, I lose the battle against my face. It morphs into something ugly and weak. The skin around my eyes tightens as I force back tears. All I can see when I blink is the bruise on the princess’s face. All I can feel is the weight of the Panaka’s insults. My lips thin and nose twitches. My teeth bite down on each other so tight I’m scared they’ll shatter under their own force. “Tomorrow the nobles willknow, and it’ll be official, and we can work on everything that comes afterward, but…”
Suyai walks toward me and uses my shoulder to spin me toward her and away from the wall.
“Right now, you don’t know what to tell me because you don’t understand what you know.”
I nod, the motion freeing the few tears that hang on my lower lashes.
“I don’t understand anything right now, Susu. But I know that doesn’t matter because I have to do it. I have to show them that I can do it.”
“Who? Who are you so desperate to prove yourself to?”
I wipe the tear tracks on my cheek with a rough swipe of my hand.
The damn Inka and Panaka and princess.
The Guardians, testing me.
