It’s a phrase I’m used to hearing, but never like this. I channel my relief into ferocity as I grab her chin to pull her lips back to mine.
The fire comes to life. Deep inside the cave, Mare is far away from the smoke and ash that’s surrounding us. It’s apt. I never wanted Mare to be a part of everything we just burned to the ground. It’s okay now, because I’m fulfilling my promise to Suyai. I’m going to bring all of us up in the world once I’m backto Lima with the Sun Staff and the strongest Inka the empire has ever seen.
But first, there’s this. There’s the exciting pain of Yanami biting my lower lip. There’s the hint of her sharp canines against my tongue. There are her hands with the promise of infinite power roaming my body like I’m something stronger. Like I can take it and more.
Her hands get to my hips, and she holds on hard enough to bruise.
“Do you?” she asks.
“Do I what?” I ask back. I’m so lost in her touch, I’m surprised I can talk. In the haze of my mind comes the realization that I’ve never heard the princess so unsure as to ask a genuine question. She’s only ever spoken in commands.
“Hate me,” she says and begins kissing down my neck.
How could I hate her when she’s doing this? How could I ever hate her? I don’t speak in riddles. I struggle enough to say what I mean to ever obscure it.
“Never,” I respond and am rewarded by her teeth on my neck, biting strong enough to leave a mark. She laps at it with her tongue once she lets go a lifetime later. There are two points that sting, and I imagine the distinct marks her canines must have imprinted on the delicate skin. I’ve never wanted to be fragile before, but with her teeth scraping my neck, I want to be made of glass just so she can shatter me.
She returns to my lips, and I’m able to think enough to get my hands to work. I stand and pull her up with me. She stays quiet as I take her away from the fire and all we burned.
It’s when it’s just us, the stars, and the dark, that I wrap my hands around her and make quick work of the knots on her chumpi. It falls with a thud. This allows me to slip my hands in between her blouse and layers of polleras. I finally touch her bare skin.
I don’t try to hold back my moan as my fingers explore the softness of her skin, marred only by the indentations left by her clothes. I get my fill of just that. Every bump on her stomach, every fold. Then I lift my hands and savor the whimper that escapes her mouth.
“It’s okay,” I whisper in her ear. “I’ve got you. I see you.”
“I know.”
I take off her pollera and look at her completely, bare and vulnerable in front of me.
With the light of the stars, Iseeher.
Afterward,by the fire, we whisper, so low the crackling wood almost overtakes our voices.
“You didn’t say anything about the scar,” Yanami says. She’s wrapped around me from my left side, my arm holding her so that our bodies are connected at every point. Her eyes are closed, and only a few moments ago, I thought she was asleep. We’ve both got our blouses and undergarments back on, though they’re covered in dirt. I look right above her left breast, where her heart beats, and know exactly what scar she’s talking about.
“Everything I wanted to say was pure anger,” I say after a minute of staring. Yanami keeps her eyes closed, but I have a feeling she knows where my gaze lies. “I’m too tired for anger tonight.”
Not tonight, but tomorrow, when we’re not in each other’s arms, and my hands are free to form fists.
“I stopped feeling anger a long time ago. Until you, I stopped feeling almost everything,” she says.
I kiss her forehead, and she opens her eyes. She takes a deep breath. “Ask me about the scar.”
I have no choice but to obey, but I want to do it my way. I don’t want to explode. Not tonight. “Does it ever hurt?”
Yanami’s eyes widen. Her bitten-red lips open, but no noise comes out.
“No one’s ever asked me that,” she finally says and rolls out of my arms to sit up.
Without her so close, anger returns to my body. My hands clench shut, nails digging into the palm of my hand. I don’t want to explode, but I don’t think there are many answers that will stop me.
“But, yes. Yes, it hurts all the time. Sometimes it’s all I can feel,” she finishes.
I open my mouth to talk, but now that Yanami has started, she doesn’t seem capable of stopping. “Sometimes it burns so much I’m scared my skin will set alight. Sometimes it’s so cold I’m scared I’ll start shaking, and then everyone will know. Then everyone will know I’m–”
She stops.
“Ask me another question,” she orders.
