“She’ll come for me. No matter what, she always comes back to me. Even if I don’t want her to. Even if I beg. She’s selfish like that. I’m hers, so she’ll come get me.”
Despite my years of using this mimicry, I still blink a few times to try to clear my eyes. I want to see Suyai say these words. I want to see her expression as she says it. Does this truth make her happy and fulfilled, or does it make her feel powerless and out of control?
Suyai is both answering questions I haven’t asked and bringing up questions I shouldn’t want to know. But I do. It’s hard not to care when you’re in someone’s head.
I need to get out.
I open my eyes and gasp for air. Izhi and Qajay are on me in a second, helping me sit up so I can breathe better.
I know what we need to do, but my chest aches at the thought.
“The Guardians’ Hero is with the princess, but she’ll come for Suyai,” I whisper. My voice must sound raw, though I can’t hear it myself through the rushing in my ears, because Tutay hands me a cup of fresh spring water. “There’s no way she’ll leave the princess behind. We show that Suyai is here, and both the hero and the princess will come.”
Why do I feel like a traitor as I speak?
I shake my head and look at Suyai resting peacefully atop the pillows. She looks younger with her face relaxed.
I know what we need to do, so why can’t I say it?
Pucaru curses beside me, and Qajay presses their lips into a thin line.
“We can project Suyai, but without added pressure, the hero could wait until they have the Sun Staff to come. Then we’re fucked,” Tutay says, voicing what we’re all thinking but don’t want to admit.
The princess and the Guardians’ Hero being together is an unexpected obstacle. One we can’t afford to ignore.
“We need a time limit,” I say, the pressure in my chest growing so fast I’m surprised my heart can still beat. “Show her injured enough that she needs healing. Refuse to heal her until we have the princess.”
Everyone is silent. I can’t meet their eyes. I stare at the floor, disgusted with myself, but steadfast in my resolve. If I look up, I’ll see the doubt on their faces. It might be enough to convince me otherwise. I know exactly what every one of their stances on this would be. Qajay would want every detail of her subconscious so they could analyze the full situation. Izhi would want to waitand try to scrub her thoughts again. Pucaru would be against any kind of torture and propose solutions that wouldn’t work.
Tutay, though, would come to the same conclusion I came to.
I look up and meet Tutay’s eyes. They’re conflicted, but they quickly change to match her iron will. I nod.
“We’ll let her keep her dignity. She’ll fight like one of us. I’ll go up against her one-on-one, no weapons or mimicry allowed,” Tutay announces.
Everyone is quiet. Now that it’s not my ideas on the chopping block, I dare to look around. No one is happy, but no one is arguing either.
“I hate it when you’re right,” Qajay says, and that settles it. Qajay, as the most level-headed and overthinker of us all, is often the tiebreaker on decisions. Their opinion is worth more than ours put together.
“I’ll get Pari to heal the girl,” Pucaru whispers, turning away before anyone can respond.
She’ll get Paria, and then she’ll lock herself in her room. Good.
Suyai remains calm and at peace on the pillow. I wonder how such an earnest, sensible girl got dragged into all of this.
Then I remember the Apukispay’s memory. Sinchinrei dragged Suyai behind her and never noticed her digging in her feet. I know in my gut that people’s subconscious minds can’t lie, but I struggle to find any definition of love that fits that.
Paria heals Suyai, telling us in her soft voice that she’ll wake up in five minutes.
Tutay removes the weapons from her body and starts to stretch.
Paria stares at her. We’ve kept her out of the drama. She’s in too vulnerable a state. Yet, she’s as perceptive as always.
Suyai wakes up and takes in the scene around her. She’s a quick-witted girl. She puts it all together. Her healed body, thelack of restraints, Tutay stretching and bracing into a defensive position. We’re all in a circle around them, ready for a new projection.
Suyai gets up and begins to stretch immediately. She knows a fight when she sees one.
Paria watches her with fond amusement. She says one thing before she leaves. “You don’t seem like you want to do this.”
