“I can recall the choices I made when I didnae remember anything, and how that was still me…” He stopped, looking at me strangely. “I can see ye as ye once were and how I saw ye when I didnae ken. The woman I loved, and the woman who was a stranger to me.”
“How strange.” How would he reconcile the two parts of him…or the two memories of me? I didn’t know how to help. Perhaps I couldn’t. “Does everyone know…?”
“Arthur does. And Miss Patrice. I havenae told Eliza. She’s dealing with too much right now.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I dinnaekenhow to help her, Elsie.”
With those few words, I began to wonder which side of himself would win out. Eliza held this man’s heart just as surely as I ever had. I placed a hand on his in a show of support, because no matter how complicated our relationship was, I still wished for his happiness. “Just show her you care. That’s all you can do right now,” I offered my meager advice.
His nod was slow, thoughtful. “Ye might be right.” His eyes softened. “I’m so glad yer better. I was worried sick for ye.” His hand brushed my cheek. “I’ve missed ye.”
“Me too.” How else could I phrase that to show how deeply I meant it?
He searched my eyes for a few moments, looking for something, then he looked down at our clasped hands. “I finished reading yer letters.”
“Did you? I’m so pleased.”
He looked into my eyes again intently. “Did ye know ye always sign everything withAlways, Elsie?”
I tilted my head. “Why do you mention that?”
He shook his head. “Just that…that’s who ye are. Yer always Elsie, in every situation and in every moment. Ye never diverge from who ye are. I could tell ye were steadfast even when ye were a stranger.”
That warmed my heart, to be acknowledged for being consistent. I decided to joke with him about it. “I have to be, if I’m to stay with you. No woman’s patience has ever been tried so much. If I were inconstant, I never would have come.”
Graham lifted a corner of his mouth. “And I’d never have gotten my memories back.”
“Precisely.” I grinned at him. “Now, are you ready to talk about going home?”
As soon as I said it, my heart gave a jolt. My smile disappeared. Was I ready to go home? I also noticed Graham’s hesitancy; were we both unsure if going home was the right choice?
He shifted his weight, then looked directly into my face. “This is a serious decision for us both, Elsie. After everything that has happened to us, between us, I don’t know if I can go back to the way things were. The letter I sent…”
“Don’t—Graham. You can’t say that youmeantwhat you said in that cursed letter!” My eyes flashed at him, just as they had the day that I read it. This time, he was there in front of me and I had someone to be angry at. As I watched him, however, looking into my eyes with complete sincerity, I found my resolve shaking. Only slightly,and yet…noticeably. “You are the reason I came here. To bring youhome.” I sat up straighter and winced, holding my side.
“Dinnae hurt yerself, Elsie.” He placed a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to push me down.
“No!” I yelled at him. “Don’t push me away!”
“I’m not…I just want ye to lie back. Elsie, please.”
I shoved his shoulder. “Don’t. Push. Me…away.” I said the last word in a whisper, begging him with tear-filled eyes. “Please.”
Chapter 32
Graham’sholdonmeslackened and his face fell. I took deep breaths to calm myself so we could have an honest conversation. This was what I dreaded most to hear. That regardless of my efforts, he still rejected me. He would still break his promises to me. I would still lose him, after everything I had gone through to find him.
“You admitted that you should have just come home,” I said shakily. I had to make sense of all this. I bit my lip to keep from crying again.
He nodded. “Aye, I should’ve. Ye deserved to hear it from me in person.”
“Are you saying…?” I closed my eyes and reopened them. “Look, whatever you said in that letter is in the past as well. You said that it’s been hard to reconcile these two sides of yourself. Let’s allow some time for you to do that.” Surely, once he had thought it through, he would return to Scotland with me.
I looked into his brown eyes, filled with all the love of a brother. I saw it now, that his romantic love for me had faded. When had that changed? Before the letter? Or after his memory loss? I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t bring myself to hear the answer. I waited for him to speak, but he continued to stare into my eyes with that same careful emotion. He certainly had something to say. Whether he’d speak was a different matter.
“I think yer wise to say that,” he finally replied. “I have only just regained my memory, and there are too many things happening to think clearly right now.” He raised his eyebrows at me, pinching them together to convey his serious concern. “Ye are precious to me, Elsie. Yeken?”
I nodded silently.
“I’ll let ye get some rest. Let’s talk tomorrow, aye?”
