I nodded again. It took everything within me not to cling to him as he stepped away from my bed and slowly left the room. His steps had not returned to their same cadence. He still seemed heavier than before, each step more determined than the last. The set of his strong shoulders was different as well, like he’d placed the world on them now, whereas before he only had me and his mother up there.
I stared at the empty doorway long after he’d walked down the corridor, wondering how I could convince him to go back to Scotland.
Eliza walked into the room just after I’d finished the dinner Patrice brought me. She waited for Patrice to leave the room, then sat in the seat next to my bed. “I was told you wanted to see me.”
She indeed seemed different. Her broken heart was clear as day, though she probably didn’t know that. Her expression was hardened, fierce, but behind her eyes was a true vulnerability that few peoplepossessed. I reached out to touch her hand. She didn’t pull away, but her expression softened.
“I’m glad you’re better,” she said quietly. “I know Graham was concerned. And…I admit I felt worried, too.” She cracked a brief smile. “I’ve grown accustomed to you.”
“That’s high praise, coming from you,” I said. Changing my tone, I prodded. “Are you all right?”
She pulled her hand away immediately and straightened. “People die, it is the way of the world. If I let myself fall apart for everyone who died, I would never get up in the morning.”
“It’s not a sin to grieve, Eliza.”
Her eyes bored into mine. “It is not a sin, but it is a shame to give up. He had a vision, one that he wasn’t able to see fulfilled. It is up to me now to take charge of that vision. I have no time togrieve.” She stood abruptly and ran a hand over her head, then rested both of her hands on her hips. “No one understands why I don’t let myself feel sad. I only want to act. Is that so wrong?”
“I don’t pretend to understand what you’re going through, but people are worried about you. I heard Graham was trying to comfort you…”
“Don’t talk to me about him,” she said, waving a hand to avoid that subject entirely.
“Why not?”
“His heart isn’t in it, anyway. What does he know about me, or my life, or theMaelstromand the mission? He…he’ll be leaving here and…” She sucked in a breath and held it. I could tell she didn’t want to cry.
“Eliza.”
She turned away from me for a moment before turning back. “It’s fine. He will be going home eventually, so I can’t let him pretend tocare as deeply as I do about all of this.” Eliza waved her hands around her, showing what she meant.
“I think hedoescare about all of this. Much more than you realize.” I could have told her about the conversation I’d had with him mere hours ago, but it wasn’t my place to explain his heart to her. “But forget about Graham.” I was beginning to suspect he was the reason she was having such a hard time with the captain’s death. To lose someone so important to her, then knowing she’d lose someone else dear to her in the future must be tearing her apart. I could relate. “I only wanted to speak about you and your feelings. I wanted to be here for you. Perhaps I can be a…person to talk to. I’ll just listen.”
She watched me for a moment, then her eyebrows pulled together and she sat down. “You’re a curious little girl.”
I smiled. “How do you mean?”
“You just want to know everything, don’t you?”
My eyes widened. “I’ve been found out.”
She laughed for the first time since she came into my room. “You have a way of putting people at ease. Very well, Elsie Findlay. I’ll confide in you as I cannot confide in anyone else.”
My smile grew and I gestured for her to continue. She began telling me about Captain Whitmore. His dreams that he’d shared with her, his eccentricities, his spirit that he’d passed down to her. She talked about what theMaelstrommeant to her, and how it felt like home.
She stood, sighing as though she was finally feeling at ease. “I have to get back. But…thank you, Elsie. For listening.”
I nodded to her. “Anytime, my friend. Just try not to shut others out. Your crew needs your heart, not just your action.”
She smiled softly and then left my room. That goddess of a woman would save the entire world if she had a notion to. I smiled to myself as I recalled the man in Leith saying something similar about Graham,that he’d “take on the King of England if he had a notion to.” The two of them were one of a kind, it seemed.
That thought made me pause. The familiar twinge in my heart was absent. I couldn’t be certain what that meant, but I made a mental note to be more aware of these shifting emotions.
As the sun began setting, a knock sounded on my door and in walked Mr. Ashby. A smile appeared on my face as suddenly as he did. “You came,” I commented.
“Did you doubt I would?” He sat on the chair that all my visitors used.
“You seemed strange earlier, so I wasn’t sure if you would return today. Are you feeling unwell?” When he looked away, my eyes narrowed. “What happened?”
He looked down, then at my face. “You spoke to Graham?”
