His smile was thin. “I said it was safe, not pleasant.” He tossed the rag to the side and brandished his key so Felicks would appear. With a nod, he directed his beast to my wound. “Noc is brilliant. He’s cunning and intelligent and an exceptional leader. Talmage made the right choice, putting him in charge of Cruor. No one else would sacrifice like he does to keep us safe.”
Felicks’s scratchy tongue raked over my skin. “But why? Why all the sacrifice and detachment?”
“That’s his story to tell.” Kost pinned me to the ground with his stare. “Maybe if you showed him trust, he’d share it with you.”
My stomach curled in on itself. He was right. Kost was always right. “Okay.”
“If you’re going to love him, too, that means believing in him. In this family. When you finally do that, we won’t have a problem anymore.”
A dull ringing sounded in my ears. Love? I didn’t love him. Right?CouldI love him? I didn’t know if I was strong enough. Not like Kost. I couldn’t totally devote myself to someone who didn’t have the ability to reciprocate those feelings. But I did care—that much I knew. Maybe when this was over, I wouldn’t have to leave. I could stay near Cruor. I could keep my friends and this…family.
A faint smile ghosted over my lips as I looked up at my unlikely ally. “All right, Kost. I hear you.”
“Good.” He stood and helped me up. Then, he turned to Felicks and opened his arms, allowing his beast to leap to his chest. Gentle fingers stroked the space between his ears. “Come on. We need to catch the ferry.”
“Yeah.” I reached for my Myad. He rammed his thick head into my healed shoulder, and I stutter-stepped to keep my balance.
Kost glanced at my beast. “What are you going to name him?”
I stared at the tree line where Noc had slipped away. Impossibly black wisps still clung to the trunks, working their way through roots and leaves. He’d disappeared into the obsidian void, but had left whispers of his existence.
Working my fingers through the Myad’s ink-black fur, I let out a quiet sigh. If ever there was a beast made for Noc, it should have been him. “Onyx. His name is Onyx.”
Twenty-one
Noc
By the time Leena and Kost boarded, I’d already holed up inside the wheelhouse with the captain. As soon as I knew they were safe, I gave him the signal to push off and left for a secluded, unused room in the bowels of the ship.
I relished the cobwebs clinging to the moldy rafters and endless crevices filled with darkness. The warmth of the deck was too much. I needed the steady lapping of waves against the thick paneling of the ship. The dank and musty aroma of salt and grime. I needed distance. Separation. Sitting on a wooden crate, I rested my chin in my hands. At least here I was hidden. At least here I was alone.
My fingers quivered, and I balled my hands into fists. The sight of that beast on top of her had ruined me. If she had failed, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from bringing her back. And I don’t know if she would have ever forgiven me. I don’t think I would have forgiven myself.
By the time we hit the slick docks of Ortega Key, the sun had kissed the horizon. Still hidden, I slipped out onto the deck. A vibrant emerald flash dominated the sky for a breath before disappearing, and the bright excitement in Leena’s eyes threatened to shatter my resolve. I was a brooding mix of furious and desperate, and that wasn’t a combination that bode well for anyone.
“Are you guys going to be at the Drinking Mermaid tonight?” Corinne asked. Twirling her hair, she fished without looking. Not like she had to—Ozias was a marlin in a tiny barrel, and she wielded a harpoon.
Ozias grinned. “I think we’re in the mood to celebrate.”
Still lingering in the shadow realm, I winced.
Calem’s eyes pinned me, seeing through the darkness before skipping toward Leena. With a careful smile, he rested his hand on her shoulder. “Sounds good to me.”
I left before Leena could respond. Without looking back, I stormed through the streets and targeted the Roasted Boar. If they wanted to celebrate, then so be it. I was in no mood.
I barricaded myself in my room and threw open the double doors leading out to the beach. The ocean waves attempted to drown my emotions, but they refused to comply. When I slammed my fist into the wall, wood shavings scattered to the floor. The breeze carried in the salt of the ocean, and I closed my eyes.Breathe.This wasn’t supposed to happen.Breathe.Why on earth did she have to fall onto my lap?Breathe.Did I really deserve this?
Yes, yes I did. My hands were bloody, and they’d continue to be that way for the rest of my ungodly existence.
I’d almost lost her today. It wasn’t the wound but the way she stared into nothingness, as if slowly slipping toward insanity, thanks to the Myad’s magic. I could revive a deceased body, but I couldn’t mend a broken mind. She wouldn’t have been dead, but not really alive, either. The very thought of her slipping beyond my reach had shattered my control. If she hadn’t made it out…if I’d lost her to that beast…
Don’t be ridiculous.She wasn’t mine to lose in the first place. She nevercouldbe.
I uncurled my hands. Stared at the imprints of my nails against my skin. I was supposed to be stronger than this.
Behind me, a soft knock sounded on the door. Kost. He’d have waited for a time to slip away from the group to come and check on me. I rested against the doorframe, body still angled toward the ocean, and called to him without moving. “Come in.”
A quiet click, and the hinges creaked as the door swung open.
