There was no outrunning who I used to be. Who I was.
Pushing myself into a sitting position, I bit back a growl. “I don’t get that choice. As long as I live, Rhyne will continue to fight. I died so my men could find reprieve. I died so all of this would end. You might as well kill me now, because I’ll walk right back to their forces if I have to. I won’t let my country suffer any longer.”
“We have ways of hiding your identity.” Talmage’s words were so soft I barely heard them. “The only people who would know of your past would be myself and Kostya.”
“And what of my body? I’m supposed to bedead. Rhyne won’t accept my disappearance as proof, and the war will continue.”
“About that.” Kostya gave a curt nod to my wet clothes. “They were transporting your body to the main ship on a rowboat when I came to…extract you. During the confrontation, the boat capsized. No one was seriously injured, but your body was lost to the depths of the ocean. Or so Rhyne thinks.”
“One of the men transporting your body was a high-ranking official. His word will be good enough for Rhyne.” Talmage steepled his hands together, and I pursed my lips. I wanted to believe in this absurd possibility of a different life, but what if they were wrong? What if Rhyne continued to fight?
“Aleksander.” Kostya crouched before me and leveled me with one look. “You’ve done enough. You’ve done more than any prince has ever done for the people of Lendria. You don’t owe this world anything else. If you truly wish to die again, then I’ll do it myself. But if you want a chance at living, at being someone other than the Frozen Prince of Wilheim, then take it. If at any point you change your mind, I’ll end it quickly. This I promise you.”
Silence stretched on for an eternity. Part of me was livid. I’d found peace in death, and they’d brought me back to a world where I’d done nothing but cause others pain. I wasn’t sure I could live with that knowledge. But another smaller part of me burned with a new hunger I’d long since forgotten: hope.
Hope was a funny thing. All it took was a moment of reflection. One second of attention. And then it was blooming and burning in my chest, overtaking the fears and doubts I’d carried with me to the grave.
Kostya stood and offered me his hand, already reading the answer on my face. “Well?”
I took it after only a breath of hesitation, and he pulled me to my feet. “If I change my mind, you end it. No questions asked. Understood?”
“Understood.”
Talmage straightened. “Before we take you to Cruor, we’ve got to see a mage about your appearance. But first, you’ll be needing a new name. You’re not a prince anymore, Aleksander Nocsis Feyreigner.”
You’re not a prince anymore.Nothing in my life had ever sounded sweeter. It would grieve my parents to no end that their son had died, and they’d probably spend weeks, maybe months, dragging the ocean for my body only to come up empty-handed. Guilt flared for a moment in my chest, but I buried it deep. A world without the man who sparked a never-ending war with Rhyne was surely better off. They’d find a suitable replacement to take the throne once they passed, and life would go on. This would be but a small note in history, and my new life was just beginning. With a tentative smile, I glanced at my newfound brethren.
“Noc,” I said. “My name is Noc.”
Fifteen
Leena
Sleep eluded me for hours, and I tossed in a bed too large and too empty for my liking. I kept reaching for Noc, expecting to find warm, silken skin and the steady rise and fall of his chest. But cold sheets were jarring, and the lack of his body next to mine ripped apart my fitful slumber and sent me careening into awareness. The empty room only made things worse, so I tossed the blankets aside, pulled on some clothes and boots, and made my way outside to clear my head in the early morning air.
Shivering, I slumped onto the porch step and pulled my knees to my chest. Crystalized dew clung to blades of grass, and my breath hung in a white fog around my head. Pale light blossomed on the horizon, just a smearing of faint blue against an indigo night. With the Kitska Forest at our backs, there was nothing but rolling, empty plains before me. Endless. Quiet. I let out a heavy sigh.
Why didn’t he trust me?I rolled my lower lip into my mouth and frowned. What else was he hiding? I’d been so open with him about my past, about everything.
At least he had given me space when I needed it. The creaking floorboards from his constant pacing were like a lullaby in the night. He was more anxious than ever, and while I wouldn’t let something like this ruin what we had, I wasn’t sure how to feel. I was tired of him withholding information for the sake of my protection. It’s how we’d started our relationship, but it didn’t have to continue that way.
The front door creaked open, chasing away the silence and startling me to my feet. Noc stood quietly with his hands tucked into the pockets of his trousers. Chest bare, every tense muscle was visible. Every ripple of unease and frustration. Dark eyes roved the length of my body, from his oversize work shirt I’d stolen to sleep in down to my booted feet. In my rush to get outside, I hadn’t bothered to lace them.
He frowned at the exposed skin of my arms. “Aren’t you cold?”
“A little.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach.
The wood frame of the door groaned as he leaned against it. “Leena…”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.” He pushed away from the wall and walked toward me, halting just barely out of reach. “You’re right. I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry.”
“Do you trust me?” I held my hand out to him, hoping he’d take it. Praying that he believed he could confide in me.
Noc was silent for a beat, and then suddenly he was there, wrapping me in a hug that lifted my feet off the ground. “Leena, I trust you with my life.” He buried his nose in my neck and shuddered. “This oath… It’s not an excuse, but it’s making it hard to focus. I’m so terrified I’ll slip up. I’ll lose myself and hurt you somehow. I’m doing whatever I can to protect you so that won’t happen. Do you understand?”
I pulled his chin up so I could meet his faraway gaze. “I understand. But, Noc, remember you’re not in this alone. The more we know, the more we can help.” He pressed his eyes shut, and I placed gentle kisses over his lids. He’d lived with his curse for so long that sharing thoughts, feelings, didn’t come easy. For him, it was simpler to protect. To put himself in the line of fire instead of possibly jeopardizing someone else. And while I understood that, I didn’t like it. We were together. A team.
