“This is too hard,” I said, my voice breaking.
Noc moved then, wrapping me in a hug and tucking my head against his chest. The collar of his tunic caught my tears as he ran a loving hand down my back. “I’m sorry.”
I allowed myself one minute. One minute to hold Noc and pretend that I could just be Leena. That I was just a girl who only had a few people in her world to worry about—not the queen of Lendria or the Crown of the Council. Not someone forced to make impossible decisions that chafed no matter what direction I chose.
But once that minute was up, I pushed away from my love and straightened my back. Wiped away tears and set my chin high. I wouldn’t let Yazmin win. I wouldn’t let her break me. The only way to save my parents, and my people, was to push forward—regardless of how difficult the path before me was.
“Okay. I’ll find one of my parents’ beasts, have them open the door, and then we’ll finally know where they are and what we’re dealing with.”
“And I’ll go with you.” Kost stood and brushed his hands along his vest. “Noc isn’t expendable, but I am. And I can protect you with my life, if need be. Lendria won’t go without her queen.”
“Expendable,” Gaige whispered in an indignant huff. “You’re a prick, you know that?”
“It’s my decision,” Kost responded a little too forcefully. He shot Noc a quick look. “Assuming it’s all right with you.”
“None of this is all right with me.” He clenched his jaw tight. “We can send someone else.”
“There’s a logical thought,” Gaige muttered.
Kost barely deigned him a look before returning his attention to Noc. “And who would that be?”
Noc’s answer was resolute. “We’ll find a volunteer.”
“I’mvolunteering,” Kost said. “I have knowledge of Wilheim. I have a connection with the beast realm, thanks to Felicks. Maybe that will help, maybe it won’t, but I’m not sure it’s a risk we should take.”
Gaige tossed his hands to the ceiling as he stood. “This is ridiculous. Cruor can’t afford to lose you. I…” He let his voice trail off, biting his lip and forming fists by his sides. “You’re second-in-command. Your presence is needed here.”
Kost didn’t miss a beat. “As a Council member who just abandoned their duties for several days, I’m not sure you have grounds to argue that. We won’t be gone for nearly as long.”
“But you could die!” Gaige barked.
“And you couldn’t have?” Kost rounded on him, anger finally cracking his collected facade. Tendons along his neck jumped as he spoke. “We had no way of knowing that you were okay. This isn’t any different.”
Tension crackled around them, neither of them willing to say anything more. Pushing off the couch, I stood between them and placed a gentle hand on their arms. “Take a breath. Both of you.”
Staring at Gaige, Noc stood and let out a forceful sigh. “I don’t like this any more than you do.” His jaw tightened as he swallowed thickly. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost either one of you. Let alone both of you.”
The stiffness in Kost’s frame finally deflated, and he gave Noc a long look. “I wouldn’t suggest this if I didn’t think it was absolutely necessary. We’ll be careful. Wewillreturn.”
Noc dropped his head into his hands. Several minutes passed, and then he dragged his fingers down his face. “If I’m going to ask you to make impossible decisions, I’ll have to do the same.”
“Well, now thatthat’ssorted, I’ll be off.” Gaige practically kicked his chair into the wall as he moved toward the door. “Kaori asked to see me when we were done.”
“Promise you won’t disappear again?” I couldn’t keep up with his erratic emotions, but his sudden show of displeasure worried me. Was this all it had taken for him to walk away before? I couldn’t stand to leave with Kost—risk losing him—if it meant losing Gaige, too, in the process. We needed him. Not just Kost, but all of us. He’d become part of our family, and I’d already lost him once, thanks to Yazmin’s attack. Twice, if we counted his disappearance. I wouldn’t do it again.Couldn’tdo it again.
“Everyone seems to be forgetting that I found my wayback.” His steel-blue glare targeted Kost, who held Gaige’s gaze for a moment before he lowered his head, hiding a grimace. Gaige studied him for what felt like ages before finally glancing my way. “But I’m not going anywhere. I look forward to your return.”
With that, he stormed out the double doors of my room and into the halls of the keep. Stiff as a board, Kost ignored his exit, only allowing the smallest sounds of displeasure to slip between his pursed lips. Noc stood slowly, the entire weight of the world—and then some—on his shoulders.
Moving to my side, he pulled me into a tight hug, then angled my chin upward so he could slant his lips over mine. I never wanted to break that kiss. I had no idea what I’d be walking into. If I’d see him again. And no doubt he felt that way, too, because there was a hint of desperation in his embrace. Slowly, as if he couldn’t bear to say goodbye, he pulled away. “Please, be safe.”
“We will. I promise.”
Reaching around me, Noc tugged Kost toward him and wrapped him in a hug. “Nothing happens to either of you. Understood?”
Emotion filled Kost’s eyes, and he nodded into Noc’s shoulder. “Understood.”
After Noc released him, I extended my hand toward Kost as excitement and despair warred with each other in my mind. We were going to see my parents. Myparents. But I’d have to leave them there. We didn’t know if Kost would make it. We didn’t know if I’d be walking right into a guard-filled prison. We knew so little, and yet I couldn’t deny the tingling in my fingers.
