“We’re hardly opposites. Our political views may be different, but we’re compatible in all the ways that matter.” He growls, exasperated. “I can’t believe you don’t see this by now. You have so many blind spots.”
“Seewhat?”
“We have the same values. The same approach to life. The same sense of humor. We even have the samejobs. We just have different ways of solving problems. And isn’t that what life’s all about? Learning from each other? Appreciating that another person can teach us something?”
He takes a step toward me and catches my hand. How does he do that? Go from angry to sweet in a matter of seconds?
“I’m not looking for someone who agrees with everything I say. I want someone who will call me on my bullshit. I want surprise in my life. Someone who will drive me to take more risks. Someone whochallengesme.” His mouth hitches up. “And boy, are you a fucking challenge.”
At his words, I freeze completely solid. I can’t pretend I don’t hear what he’s really saying.
Ben’s in love with me.
He loves me so much, he’s convinced himself that I’m the woman for him. No matter how badly I’ve treated him or how many times I screw up, he’ll always be right here, ready to forgive my every transgression. Even if it’s to his own detriment. Even though he deserves better.
It’smehe sees through rose-colored glasses.
“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I feel sick. “I think... I need some time.”
“I already told you, I’ll give you time.”
“No, I mean...” It’s taking every ounce of resolve not to dissolve into a puddle at his feet. “It’s not right, what I’ve asked you to do. What was I thinking, forcing you to keep this a secret? Whodoesthat?”
His eyebrows knit in confusion. “Did I miss a turn somewhere?”
“Any woman would be proud to be with you. You’reperfect. You deserve to be shown off. You deserve the best woman, one who’s going to put your needs first. Look at you—you’re the one who had a crappy day and you’re standing here comfortingme!”
He raises a hand like he’s trying to calm a skittish animal. “I was being a dick. You were right, I was taking my shit out on you. Things at work went off the rails today. I wish I could explain—”
“Stop apologizing to me! Don’t you see? I’m the one who should be apologizing toyoufor wasting your time!”
“Wastingmy time?” The edge in his voice is razor sharp.
“You deserve a girlfriend who’s clearheaded and supportive and appreciates how wonderful you are. Not one who’s selfish and damaged and confused. Who makes your lifeharder.”
“Kate, you’re none of those things. And you make my life better, not harder.” He lifts a hand to my face but I jerk back.
“I’ve done nothing but put you through the wringer since the day you met me.”
“Where are you getting all this nonsense?” He furrows his brow. “When did you last eat?”
“I’m serious! I can’t hold you back anymore. I couldn’t live with myself.”
He sighs. “And what exactly is it you’re holding me back from?”
“Your perfect woman! What if she’s out there and you’re too busy looking at me to see her? I’m so far from your perfect match, Ben.”
I wish I didn’t believe it. It’s hard enough to say the words out loud, but knowing they’re true nearly kills me. I’m not what he needs. He deserves so much better than the scraps I’ve been feeding him. I’m the one who’s not good enough forhim.
“So let me just make sure I’ve got this. You know better than I do what I want.WhoI want. And there’s someotherperfect woman out there for me, and I should let you go because I’m missing out on her right this very minute.”
“I know you think I’m crazy, but I... I just...”
“You justwhat?”
I stall, gathering my nerve. I hate myself for what I’m about to do, but deep down, I know he won’t let this go—won’t letmego—unless I burn us to the ground.
