—SOLO FEBRUARY CHALLENGE
I spend the next couple of days wishing I’d handled everything differently.
I text and call Jack, feeling rotten, but he doesn’t return my texts. Or my calls. It’s full-on radio silence. The more he ignores me, the more frantic I get. I can’t help feeling in my gut that I’ve blown it. Just when I’m sure I have, he answers my call.
“Hey, I just want to say sorry about…” I begin in a rush. I’m in bed, Larry at my feet. Snow falls outside my window, white against the darkening February sky.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Jack says, but he still sounds alittle… off. A little guarded. I’ve made him this way, too. This is my fault.
“I had to keep up appearances. In front of my boss,” I try to explain.
“I know.”
“Hey… I…” I should just tell him I like him. Because I do. Maybe more than like. But there’s also the problem of his award show at the end of the month. “I just wanted to talk to you because…”
“You can’t go with me to the Golden Chef Awards,” he finishes, sounding resigned. “I saw theLet’s Talk!segment. Don’t need a date. Don’t want one?”
“Jack, I was just… it was for the show. It’s not that I don’t want one with you. It’s—”
“I get it.” Jack is quick to answer. “Say, how about we just take a little time. I won’t bother you anymore until March.”
“Jack, you don’t have to—”
“I think it’ll be best,” he says, sounding more definitive. “I just… I’d rather see you when you’re truly free to be in a relationship. It kind of feels like you’re… I don’t know… embarrassed of me.”
“I absolutely am not!”
“It just feels like I’m a secret you have to keep, or that I’m someone you’re seeing on the side, and it doesn’t feel that great,” he admits.
Shit. I get what he’s saying. I am hiding him. Hiding him from all theSolo Februaryfans.
“You’re not on the side. Not at all. And I don’t want you to feel that way.”
“I know. That’s why I just… think it’s best if we wait untilMarch. Then maybe it won’t be weird.” Jack sounds sad, but firm. He’s thought about this. He’s come to a decision. It’s now I realize that holding off on seeing each other until March isn’t an ask. It’s a firm statement. He’s drawing the line. Not me.
“Okay,” I agree, reluctantly. It’s just two weeks, but as I hang up the phone, suddenly, it feels like two lifetimes.
For the next ten days, Jack’s as good as his word. There’s no texting. No calls. I try texting him a few times, but only get responses like a thumbs-up, or none at all. He’s serious about the March deadline. Ugh. What is wrong with me? Why do I let other people in my life constantly set the boundaries? If I think about it a second, that’s very likely the root of all my problems. Instead of taking responsibility for my own lack of real self-control or lack of action in key moments, I’d let Dad rein me in with his temper, or Mom with her body issues. I should’ve been the one to just be honest with Jack. To tell him we did need to wait. But I didn’t.
And even as more and more missives fromSolo Februarypour in from fans, I just feel emptier and emptier reading them. Can I tell them all that going solo is right? So many of them seem to have found someone they want to date. Who am I to stand in their way? Should I really be telling Gabrielle, or any other Soloist, who to date or not to date? Why did I ever think I was qualified to give anyone else advice in the first place?
As I’m considering this, a new message dings on my phone from Nami. She’s been texting me about the bridesmaids’ dresses, so I know that’s exactly what this is about. And I’ve been avoiding trying on my bridesmaid’s dress like the plague because I’ve been chowing down on bacon and retaining waterlike the Hoover Dam. I’ve not gotten anywhere near a scale for fear I’d step on it and it would scream bloody murder.
Why haven’t you come to the shop yet?
I sigh.I will, okay?
When?
Soon.
How about today?
Bossy much?
I’ve got a lot to do today,I text, hoping she’ll let it slide. She doesn’t.
OMG, Sora! Please! I ask you to do ONE thing!
