Liz, August 3
“I’m home.” I kick off my foot-pinching shoes as I walk in. I am returning from a quick trip to visit my friend, Amy. Since I resigned in May and didn’t return when school started, which is an odd feeling for a teacher, I haven’t seen much of her lately. It was nice to connect.
“Hey, babe,” Ben calls from the kitchen, “dinner’s almost ready.” I follow his voice and find him standing in front of the stove. The smells of sautéed onion, grilled sausage, and a handsome Englishman hit my nostrils.
“Mmmm, it smells fantastic in here.” I approach and kiss him.
“Hey, an envelope from your lawyer is on the table.”
“Oh, excellent.” I locate and open said envelope. “It’s the papers from Matt’s lawyers. He has relinquished custody of Emma.” I was expecting the papers, so when I say this it’s with the tone you reserve for something you expect. No surprise, no real emotion at all.
“What? They actually let him go through with it?” Ben asks. He has been strange about this entire ordeal. I realize it’s tough to imagine, but some people do not want to be parents.
“Yup.” I, on the other hand, have come to terms with Matt’s decision. Emma is better off without him. Clearly Ben will be better for us than Matt ever was. “It’s like giving up a child for adoption, except only one parent does it so the child stays with the other parent.” I patiently explain the process, as I understand it, to Ben.
“I guess that makes sense.” Ben continues to stir the contents of the pan on the stove. “So can he change his mind later?”
“No. He’s completely given up custody.”
“And no child support?”
“No. Are you worried about money?”
“Not at all, I’m just trying to process all of this.”
“I understand. I actually asked Michaela a lot of the same questions.” I smile, but Ben is still focused on the pan so he doesn’t see it.
“As far as the US government is concerned, then Emma only has a mother?” Ben asks.
“I guess so. If I understand it right her birth certificate will list me and that’s it. Unless she’s adopted by someone else, in which case things would change.”
“So she can be adopted then?”
“Legally, yes.”
Now Ben looks at me. I am expecting excitement. After that line of questioning, he’s clearly he’s thinking what I was thinking. Does he plan to adopt Emma if we stay together? Instead I’m surprised to see a quiet sadness in the green eyes. “Aren’t you concerned about this? Babies need their father,” he asks.
I reach out and touch his arm. “Ben, Emma will have me. Emma will also have you, unless you’re trying to tell me something.” This softens his face, and he actually smiles. “Babies need a father, and she’ll have a good one.”
“I’m honored you trust me to help guide her.”
“I wouldn’t trust anyone else.” I kiss him warmly, happy he is happy.
Chapter 81
Ben, August 10
I suppose there are men out there who think I’m insane. Here I am, sitting over 4,000 miles from home, reading parenting books with my pregnant girlfriend. Oh, and it’s not even my baby in her uterus. Oddly, it doesn’t feel awkward. A year ago it would’ve freaked me out. Hell, if you’d told me Liz — who I’ve loved for ages — would put me in this situation, I think younger me would’ve run screaming from the room. What guy imagines he’ll be raising some other bloke’s kid?
Maybe that’s why I accept it. Matt doesn’t really have a love child, does he? Liz and Matt were never in love. I, on the other hand, have never loved anyone besides Liz. So when I imagine her struggling through the ocean of parenthood alone, I get physically sick.
When it comes right down to it, I’d rather be in this unconventional situation with Liz than be miserably alone in London, downing pints and picking up random women in some pub just to forget about her.
Chapter 82
Liz, August 17
Something is wrong. The pain in my stomach feels like menstrual cramps, only sharper, heavier, like someone twisting a fist inside me. Not for the first time today, I wonder if this isn’t labor.
