Ms. Kim taps her on the shoulder. “Eyes ahead.”
“Okay, walk, everyone,” Ms. Bree commands.
I step forward.
The unit is pretty quiet that night. I spend most of it in my room, and Ms. Bree even lets Samantha stay with me for a bit. Sam tells me that Mark is planning a trip to Paris since her dream is to get engaged under the Eiffel Tower. It’s why she’s not going to run anymore—because she has to make that happen. I believe her. Then she asks me about the note and I tell her I threw it out.
“Proud of you,” she says.
I put Amari out of my mind as much as I can and try to give Samantha my undivided attention until I fall asleep.
The next morning, I’m tired. I slept fitfully, probably because my body knows what my mind hasn’t fully processed: that after twelve long months, I really and truly am leaving today.
For my farewell breakfast, I asked for donuts, a group favorite. I try to picture having a donut with these girls I’ve spent twenty-four hours a day with—eaten with, showered with, studied with, sometimes laughed and cried with. Tanya won’t be there, and I can imagine the mood will feel lighter without her.
While I didn’t get close with many people here, I also didn’tgive anyone reason to dislike me. Which means that my farewell meal might actually be fun. It might do what it’s supposed to and give the girls here a sense of purpose—of hope—that their own last day will arrive soon enough.
But then I think about facing Amari during the meal, sitting across from her with the knowledge that we won’t see each other for a while, and that when we do, everything will be different. Knowing her, she’ll either start something and make my goodbye all about her, or she’ll put on a brave face and say nothing at all, which would probably be worse.
Beyond that, I can’t imagine smiling for the other girls, pretending I’m happy to go home, when it’s so much more complicated than that. Because while I can’t wait to get out of here, the truth is, I’m also scared. Scared of meeting my new stepdad and stepsister. Scared of facing my mom, knowing her choices sent me here as much as mine did. Scared of discovering just how much this place has changed me, or maybe how much it hasn’t.
I make a decision. I’m not going to attend my farewell breakfast. I’ll forgo the donuts and spend the time on my own, gathering my thoughts before facing my mom.
After all, I came here alone, and I’ll leave alone.
24
Amari’s house has its own gate and practically its own street. It was easy for Kayla and me to find the address online. We buzz the intercom.
“I’ll meet you at the door,” Amari says when she picks up.
“She’s too rich to be messed up,” Kayla mutters.
“Everyone’s got issues,” I say as we pull into a long driveway lined with trees. I couldn’t see the house from where we were but as we get closer, it comes into view. The two levels of glass and stone look like something straight out ofArchitectural Digest.
Amari stands in the big glass doorway, watching us park the car.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Kayla asks.
I think for a second. “No,” I say. “I need to do this alone.” I brace myself for an objection, but it doesn’t come.
“Okay, well, I’m here if anything gets weird.”
“Thank you. I’ll be right back.” I step out of the car and close the door. I pause to fix my clothes but also to give myself time to ease into seeing Amari’s face. She walks down the few steps in front of her house to the gravel driveway. I meet her there.
“Hi,” she says, and I hear the nervousness in her voice.
“Hi,” I say, softening because of it.
She looks vulnerable, her tough exterior let down. I’ve only seen this side of Amari in small moments at the center when she thought no one was looking, when you could tell she was lost in a memory she didn’t love.
“What do your mom and stepdad do?” I ask, gesturing up at the mansion.
“They run a tech company.”
I nod.
“You didn’t have to come all the way here, Jasmine. This whole thing isn’t that serious.”
