How does Viktor make asking permission sound like foreplay?The lump in my throat remains.
He turns onto an even darker road and up a hill, then he pulls into a rough parking lot.We can see Lake Superior from here, mainly moonlit waves, but also the twinkling lights of a distant city.
What a lovely view,I exclaim.Are we getting out?
Viktor shakes his head.There’s a trail, but it’s too dark to take it.I come here sometimes when I need to think.
The sight of water is calming.Did you grow up by the ocean?
He shakes his head.Far from it.Edmonton, Alberta.
Belatedly, I remember that he’s Canadian.It feels wrong to know things about a person that they haven’t told you, but given our odd beginning it’s unavoidable.Besides, Viktor is famous on campus; everyone knows about him.He’s praised in the college newspaper and social media channels, and there are rumours that he’ll play pro hockey after graduation.
Yet here I am, a freshman nobody, alone in his car with him.
Viktor unfastens his seat belt and faces me fully.I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.
Hope surges up in me.I undo my seat belt too and twist around so we’re facing each other.
Me too,I confess.But his tensed face means he’s not happy about this development.
He reaches a hand towards me, but then draws it back.I’ve fought this so long, but when I saw you tonight with that guy, it felt wrong.And I broke.
Why is it wrong?The two of us together, I mean.It seems like a good idea to me.
It’s because you’re so…undefinable.
I wait.He’s going to have to explain that.
He pushes a hand through his hair, rendering it briefly tousled before the layers fall back into place.
The woman I met in the library—who tried to remove my ability to procreate—was studious and completely uninterested in me.I was almost insulted.His eyebrow rises at the memory.But when I saw you at those parties, you were assertive and flirtatious.So, who is the real Evie Smith?
Oh.I pull my knees up and wrap my hands around them, gathering my thoughts.Without all the warring advice in my head, it’s a lot easier.I was home-schooled my whole life.So Monarch is a chance for me to put my dreams into practice.I’ve been pushing myself to try new things, like dressing up and talking to guys.
Then I let out a big sigh.But to answer your question, the person from the library is closer to the real me.
He pushes his seat back, extending his long legs and stretching his arms.So, the one who’s not interested in me?
I bite back a smile.Well, that might have changed.
And who are you?I ask, thinking about his warring kindness and rudeness.
Viktor ignores my question.That blond guy isn’t your boyfriend, is he?
It takes me a moment to even know who he’s talking about.
Kyle?My incredulous tone is answer enough.Alpha Zeta Mu encourages us to mix with our brother fraternity.
You’re an Alpha Z now?He sounds surprised.
Uh, yeah.I look away from his too-perceptive gaze.If only I could explain about the Revenge Squad, that would alleviate all his concerns about my Jekyll and Hyde personality.But that might get me booted out of both the sorority and this car.Viktor strikes me as a very principled person.
When his expression clears, I belatedly realize that he was jealous.My hopes bubble even higher.
I’m not a relationship guy.I date women casually and not for very long.He stares at me, the heat is back in his gaze.I watch his throat ripple as he swallows deeply.I don’t want to hurt you, Evie.
Shouldn’t it be my choice?If I understand the risks and still want to try, then whatever happens is on me.
