Sharp and unmistakable.
I know, in that instant, what it costs him not to kill Benny – and that he’s going to pay it anyway.
For me.
Chapter 43
Kyor blows out a long, unsteady breath, his jaw tightening as if he’s swallowing something bitter. Then he turns on his heels and walks out of the inn.
Still on my knees, I watch him disappear through blurred vision, the echo of his retreating footsteps scraping at something raw inside my chest.
I sob brokenly, the stress of the situation tearing at me. And then Caz is there, enfolding me in her arms as she rocks me back and forth, murmuring reassurances and stroking my hair as if I’m an infant.
Benny lives, and I’m grateful – so grateful – for that. But at what cost? Will Kyor ever forgive me for keeping this from him? For choosing Benny?
Eventually, my broken-hearted sobs slow, and with a shuddering breath I swipe at my eyes, and silence reigns.
The feeling of impending doom lingers, a shade silencing us all.
Benny is looking at me in shock. ‘I’m still alive.’
He stares at his hands in disbelief, flexing his fingers as if expecting them to disappear.
I push myself to my feet, but Caz beats me to my next move,crossing the distance and throwing her arms around Benny in abject relief that he’s still here.
When she finally breaks away, I take her place, and Benny and I cling to each other, shocked and reeling, breathing in the proof of survival neither of us dared to expect.
‘I owe you my life,’ Benny says, his voice muffled against my hair.
‘You owe it to Kyor,’ I counter.
‘Kyor didn’t kill me,’ he agrees, stepping back so that he can look me in the face, ‘but only because of you. I owe you, Rose. Big time.’ He straightens his back slightly as he shifts his gaze between Caz and me, and nods as if a decision has been made. ‘I’ll come with you.’
‘What?’ I tilt my head to the side, not sure I’m fully understanding.
‘If it weren’t for you, I’d be going back to the Isles as a pile of ashes in a box. The least I can do is spend a couple more days out on the road with you.’
I can’t deny the relief that cascades through me. Without Kyor and Elska by my side, the thought of making the trip without Benny, too, is almost too much to bear.
‘Where do you think he’s gone?’ Caz asks, her eyes staring through the doorway, past the bags that Kyor dumped to the ground the instant he saw us here. ‘You think he’s leaving us?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say honestly. I swallow hard. ‘I expect so.’
He chose me. Just like I asked him to. Kyor chose me over blood and duty and everything he’s ever believed to be true. My heart should be healing, should be overflowing, but instead it feels more broken than ever.
Kyor’s not one for forgiveness, and however much he loves me, I struggle to believe he’ll ever get past me knowing about Benny and not telling him. Not when it was Zelle’s life that was lost.
I expect he’s on his way right this minute to the Hirathean Pass. To follow his orders like a good soldier, as though that might wipe out his treasonous decision to let Benny live.
‘I’m so sorry if I’ve fucked things up for you,’ Benny offers with contrition. ‘I know how much you love him.’
‘Yeah, well, things were already pretty fucked up without your input,’ I reply before looking at the remains of Arle and grimacing. ‘Bythe Gods, Benny, whatwereyou thinking meeting Arle out in public like this? In the freaking inn?’
For the first time, Benny’s eyes go to the body, dead on the ground, and I know exactly what he’s thinking: that there’s another body to add to the list. Another weight to bear on his shoulders.
He might not have made the physical marks of a tally, the way Kyor does on the Retterheld training wall, but I’ve no doubt Benny keeps count of them all the same.
‘Arle was a good man,’ Benny says softly. ‘Kyor hasn’t helped his cause by killing him.’
