She nods. ‘Don’t worry. I know somewhere we can go.’
Chapter 12
Caroline wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me through the rows of books.
‘I’m sorry,’ I stutter out between the tears. ‘I shouldn’t have?—’
‘It’s fine. You don’t need to tell me now. Just give it a minute, okay? We’ll be there in a minute.’
Given how each word results in a fresh torrent of tears, I take her advice and remain silent, becoming vaguely aware that we’re heading out of the library when she takes me to a back staircase. Still, I don’t know where we’re going until she pushes open a door and leads me into a simple dorm room.
With one window and only three beds, it’s far smaller than the ones I stayed in at the barracks. Only one of the beds has any sheets on it. The others don’t look like they’ve been slept in for a long time, if ever.
Towers of books are stacked against the walls to various heights, some of which are precariously tall.
‘Scribe quarters,’ Caz explains when she follows my gaze. ‘Some of the other rooms are nicer, but I got one on my own as a trade-off for taking Rohan.’
‘It’s lovely,’ I say, and it is. To get your own space, your own books … there are far worse fates.
‘Yeah, it’s not bad. Now sit down. I want to know what’s going on.’
I can’t tell her everything. I can’t tell her about William, and I still don’t know whether I should tell her about what I learned from Dinah, but I tell her about Kyor, and I tell her about Kay and Jonas deciding to marry one another without a single word to me. I don’t give the reason for the shotgun nuptials, but I suspect she’s smart enough to work it out for herself.
By some miracle, despite my anger and hurt, her room remains intact at the end of my confession. Nothing is frozen, and I haven’t slipped out of this moment, my vision remaining normal the whole time.
‘Wow, that is a lot for anyone to deal with after everything else you’ve been through,’ she says, letting out a sigh.
‘That’s only part of it,’ I admit.
She offers a sympathetic smile. ‘Well, you can tell me the rest, if you want. Or you can hide away here, if you prefer.’
Hiding away is definitely preferable, but it won’t solve anything. And that’s what I came to the library for – solutions.
Still, I don’t answer immediately. If Llin were here, I would have told her about my Issen heritage. I know I would. And Llin trusted Caz with her life and her heart. As far as endorsements go, they don’t come better than that.
‘I think I have Issen magic,’ I whisper.
Her eyes snap wide. ‘What? Fucking hell, Rose!’
‘I know.’ I sigh.
‘Did Llin know?’ she hisses. ‘Does Benny?’
‘Llin didn’t, no. As for Benny … he’s seen me do some things, and he tried to help me find a reason for why my powers have been playing up, but he doesn’t know for certain yet. He wasn’t at the house when I got back from seeing Dinah, who confirmed it.’
‘Things?’ Caroline arches an eyebrow. ‘You said you’ve done things? What sort of things? What can you do?’
A dry scoff huffs from me. ‘Firing ice at people is one of the key features. And I … I seem to be able to stop people breathing.’ I don’t mention the visions I’ve had twice now – the first time before facing the kraken, and then again in the house – of me sweeping through the air like I’m a bird, because by anyone’s standards, that’s weird.
‘You’ve got to keep it hidden,’ she says unnecessarily as she bites her thumbnail.
‘I know, but I also need answers, and I don’t know how to get them on my own. Besides, it’s easier said than done. When my emotions flare … bad shit happens.’ I lower my voice further, even though we’ve been whispering this entire time. ‘I need to know everything there is to know about Issen magic. Can you help me find some resources?’
Her brow pinches as she shakes her head. ‘I’m sorry, Rose. King Korvane burned everything Issen-related years ago. All that remains are maps of the territories.’
‘Fuck.’ I lean back against the wall. The library was my last hope. Some texts, some guidance … hell, even some stories, or half-arsed anecdotes, or folklore. I’d take anything to help me learn to control the magic. Anything.
Anything that gives me any other solution than the one Dinah urged: going to the source itself.
