‘I’m going to have to leave,’ I whisper dully. ‘I can’t stay here. I’ll put Kay in danger. If anyone sees me use my powers, they’ll execute both of us.’
Caroline licks her lips and doesn’t disagree. I didn’t really expect her to, but the silence still stings. It’s confirmation that I’m out of options.
‘Where will you go?’ she asks finally.
I blow out a breath. I’ve been considering that since the moment Dinah and I spoke. Without any resources or other ways of gaining help, I’ve got no choice.
Before I can speak, Caroline sees the answer in my eyes.
‘No, Rose,’ she gasps. ‘They’re savages. They’re just as likely to kill you as help you.’
‘I know, but staying here willdefinitelykill me.’
She grimaces, but once again she doesn’t deny it. ‘I’ll find you some maps,’ she offers instead. ‘I’ll come by later with what I can gather.’
‘You’re a good friend,’ I say, knocking her knee with mine.‘I don’t deserve you. Notafter?—’
‘Don’t,’ she stops me. Her face is momentarily stony before she sighs and shakes her head. When she looks back at me, her gaze is far softer. ‘Rose, do you know what my powers are?’
I blink as I consider the question, only to realise with surprise that I don’t. Caroline wasn’t in the Retterheld. She didn’t need to use her magic to survive the way we Rettlings did, and as such I’ve had no reason to see her powers in action. Or at least, I don’t think I have.
‘No,’ I tell her. ‘Actually, I don’t.’
‘Well, it’s not as impressive as some, but I can tell when you speak the truth. When anyone speaks the truth.’ Her haunted eyes meet mine. ‘Every time you say how much you loved Llinos, every time you say you wish you had died instead, I know it is the truth. I’m angry at her death.’ She closes her eyes. ‘So fucking angry. I don’t know when I won’t be.’ She opens her eyes and looks at me. ‘But I’m not angry atyou. Not anymore. It wasn’t your fault she died; it was Holden’s. And he’s dead. Rose, it was never your fault. Never. But if you need my forgiveness, you have it.’
Something sharp and jagged within me eases and a fresh wave of tears threatens to escape.
Ihadneeded it more than I knew.
‘Thank you, Caroline.’
A single tear falls down my cheek, and she brushes it aside. ‘Caz. Call me Caz. And you’re welcome. Now, go. Get yourself home. Get ready. I’ll come by with maps as soon as I’ve found them.’
Home.
It hurts that the place in which I was raised has barely had a chance to become that again, and already I’m planning to leave.
Gods, I don’t want to leave, don’t want to leave Kay and William, but what choice do I have? If I stay, I’ll endanger them, and I won’t do that.
Not for one single moment.
I only realise exactlyhow long I spent with Caz when I step into the courtyard and see the stars littering the sky. Part of me expects to findKyor waiting there, Elska at his side, ready to torment me with his presence again.
My masochistic streak is sad that he isn’t.
Still, it’s later than I thought it was, and it’s only when my stomach growls that I realise that other than a muffin I grabbed from the kitchen first thing, I’ve not eaten all day. Not only that, but I’ve left Ruben alone at the house.
I’m sure if he got up and went for a wander he would find Kay, and he’s met both Benny and Summer before, but it hardly feels like the best move on my part. Not when he’s already grieving and alone.
Which is why, when I arrive home, I head straight upstairs to my bedroom. Although when I reach the landing, I stop.
Laughter is coming from Kay’s room. Her laughter, joined almost instantly by Jonas’s. I fight the prickling along my skin. She’s alone in her room with a man. Yes,technicallythey’re married, but that’s only to cover the mess she got into from being alone with another man.
I hesitate.
What I want to do is storm in and tell Jonas to get the hell out of there, but things are fraught between Kay and me, and I need to pick my battles with her wisely.
This isn’t something I need to fight about now. After all, theyaremarried, and I can’t protect her from her bad decisions forever. So instead, I turn around and head to my room.
